DM fell out with her brother some years ago, I’ve never known the full situation, but know that some comments were exchanged and DM now hates his guts.
Fast forward a few years, my DN recently passed and DM asked whether myself and my siblings would be associating with my uncle at the funeral, speaking and smiling etc. I said I would be polite and don’t want there to be a scene. Because we said we wouldn’t be outright ignoring them or not making eye contact, she decided she couldn’t cope with going and didn’t attend (if we agreed to this, she made clear she would have attended).
DM’s brother arranged a small wake, myself and siblings (as well as most of my extended family) attended. My uncle and cousins were all very polite, not a bad word was said about DM and it was overall a very nice event for an otherwise sad occasion.
That evening DM found out we’d attended from another family member, to which myself, DS and DB received text messages to say how were traitors and should be very ashamed of ourselves. Fast forward a month and she’s not made contact, only a text from my DB (15) stating again that were traitors and how could we be so abusive towards DM (sounds very much like her words).
I then received another text message yesterday essentially saying she can’t move past this so she will now be staying away - so, going no contact.
To me this seems like a huge overreaction and frankly quite controlling behaviour. DM has not been the best over the years as it is (that could be a whole other thread), we’re not particular close and she has not shown us any kind of loyalty, so to expect that back is mind boggling. Equally, my uncle lives half way across the world and I hadn’t seen or spoke to him in years, I purely went to celebrate my nans life, although it was nice to see everyone too.
FWIW, me, DS and DB are adults - I think we should be able to decide who we do and don’t have relationships with at our age. Obviously if it was something truly awful that happened it’s a different story. AIBU here?