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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need opinions!!

3 replies

PinkLemur · 25/02/2024 09:32

Hey all, just a bit of background. I’m a mum of 2, I work full time, and myself and my children all live together.

I have a bit of a strained relationship with my daughters dad, he’s not dad to my other child who is older.

we split up a few years ago, for 1 year, then got back together, he had been living at his dads who he has always paid dig money to for staying there.

since getting back together we’ll sort of he will stay at his dads the whole week and come to see us one day and maybe stay one night a week.

recently he has told me that his dads told him that his own homes rent is increasing and he could be doing with his help towards it, he told me that he wants to go and stay with his dad most of the week and maybe spend a few nights a week here.

the problem I have is that he has said throughout this whole period that he can’t wait until things are more settled financially with his dad so he can come and live with us and be a family ect but now it he’s telling me this.

during this and still he will send my daughters child maintenance, he has recently told me that he think it’s too high, but it’s a calculated amount he got from the CM website so it’s not like I’ve demanded a certain amount.

im just looking for advice on everything, I don’t understand why he wants to help out his dad more than his own family, I could be doing with financial help too, I work full time and pay everything for the house and kids

he is 35 for reference

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 25/02/2024 09:46

It looks like he is trying to reduce the amount he pays you to give his Dad the extra he's asked for. Don't let him alter the amount that the CM has arranged, that's for your kids not his Dad. From what you have written it appears he has no intention of living with you as a family.
I would be very wary of his intentions here, what exactly did he mean when he talked about things being settled financially with his Dad? Sound like delaying tactics to me.

GrannyRose15 · 13/09/2024 06:54

If I were you I’d stick with what you’ve got at present and not push for a change. Don’t let him reduce the amount he pays you for his child though. That should be non negotiable no matter how much he pays his dad. Enjoy the time you have together. It doesn’t sound like he is ready to move in full time. .

GrannyRose15 · 13/09/2024 06:55

Just realised this is an old thread so hopefully this matter is resolved by now.

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