Only fans

[MrsBeeton3]

Just after some opinions really. I’ve been dating a man for about 5 months. I’m the one who tends to dictate how often we see eachother due to my work and childcare etc. And he doesn’t put any pressure on me over this and seems understanding.

When we meet up, we get on well, have a laugh. He’s thoughtful, attentive, very complimentary and sex is really good. he makes me feel beautiful. Seems to love my body despite needing to lose a few pounds and is generally a very nice, lovely guy.

The problem, however is that when I looked at who he follows on IG there were a few Only Fans type of accounts which immediately gave me the ick.

I found him on twitter and there were loads on there. Him following some and them following him. It’s just all really sleazy and I’m not sure how I feel about it really.

i text him and he said none of it comes up on his feed so he’d forgotten they were on there 🙄 and when I looked again on IG he doesn’t seem to have liked any of the pics or posts. But does follow them.

he’s deleted them now. Which I didn’t ask him to do but it just feels a bit icky and I don’t know what to feel. Porn doesn’t bother me but following these amateur, personal accounts feels very sleazy. Reminds me of page 3 ogglers or top shelf magazines and those kind of men have always put me off.

deleting them doesn’t stop the fact that’s the type of man he is. It’s sleazy and quite immature I think.

i’d be interested in some opinions as I’m wondering if I’m overreacting. Deleting them just makes me think he’ll carry on but be more sneaky about it

Porn doesn't bother you? But some accounts online do? Okkkk.

You've said all these great things about him, and then when mentioned, he's even deleted the accounts.

This is a 'you' problem. Your insecurity about your body is something you need to work on, not judge him for noticing bodies that are clearly different to yours. He makes you feel beautiful. He's doing his part.

Embrace those extra pounds or lose them.

He is a man OP......

I'll let you into a little secret shall I?

ALL MEN LIKE PORN, EXCEPT FOR THE WEIRDO'S. 🤣🤣🤣

I'd throw him back for that. Bottom line is he thinks women are only sexual objects that he can pay or consume to suit his needs and desires. It's entitlement it's naive it's very immature.

Given he gave you a rubbish answer without any depth to it. No emotional growth of oh I followed them when I was much younger I've grown changed that's not the man I want to be I want to have integrity....I want to reassure you of your safety in the relationship and prove who I am to you...here's how I'm going to do that.

It was instead oh I forgot about that.

I'd be betting on him just becoming more secretive. He doesn't see the issue. Personally for me I couldn't be with a man who doesn't respect women. I wouldn't respect him it would give me the ick.

To be frank, stop overreacting and being controlling.
From the way you describe it, the relationship is basically on your terms only.
You said he is a really nice person.
Get over it.

I’ve had a relationship like this op and I agree with you I didn’t want to be with that kind of guy and in the end the insecurity got the better of me and I ended things.
it was like a teenager with posters of page 3 models on the wall and gave me the ick too
I’m now with a completely different guy and it’s so much better

It would give me the ick too. I think some men are destined to be the modern day equivalent of the men in long beige mac's you used to get in the 80/90s who had collections of VHS', stared at girls in school uniforms and slunk about in parks.

Trust your gut and find a man who makes you feel comfortable.

This. I’m surprised you’re shocked by it OP. Men are men. They all do it, even if they say they don’t.

Well that’s simply not true - that’s like saying all women enjoy washing up (another ‘societal norm’ that isn’t the case).

There’s plenty of men out there who see no value in porn, or object because of the safeguarding aspects

I agree it's icky, and I do not agree that all men should get a free pass to watch and consume porn just because they're men.

ESPECIALLY not specific women who they can pay to watch, who they then follow of Instagram or Twitter and can see into their daily lives, how would they feel if the shoe was on the other foot and us women were doing the exact same thing!

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt now and he seems to be a really nice sounding guy, but it would definitely stay in my mind if anything popped up in the future seeing as he said he didn't look at it all

I think I’d give him the benefit of the doubt here . I follow a lot of accounts, many I’ve forgotten about and they don’t show up on my feed so he could
be telling the truth.

I think if you’re happy and like this guy then give it a go but if it has changed your perception of him then end it. Only you know how you feel about it all.

Are you kidding me, MightyGoldBear!?! Oh no, of course, you would just throw him back with no reflection or thought about all of the good things that have transpired between them and had a real heart to calm adult conversation about her feelings, at the very least, owes him the right to know and understand her innermost insecure feelings first and foremost before she should throw him away like trash lady wow who you are anyway?

OnlyFans isn't porn though is it? It's worse than that because he's interacting with the women. Great he has deleted them and keep an eye on it. Same as cheating in my book for those in relationships.

Indeed.

Sure, it is true to say that not all men like or agree with ‘porn’ in the conventional sense, but they will be getting themselves off via platforms such as instagram, facebook etc.. , they are good at hiding it in plain sight

lol

Yep this gave me the permanent ick with someone I was besotted with. Sorry men, it doesn't matter how great you are in other aspects, stuff like this cancels it out.

You're entitled to end a relationship for any reason and have any feelings you do. If this man's social media doesn't make you feel good then find someone else.

I think it's fair to give him a chance but the likelihood is that this has now found a place in your head and as the relationship progresses and you have little moments of low confidence or bumps in the road it'll bug you and become a bigger thing.
I think you should directly ask him now if he uses Only Fans and have a very open and honest discussion (try not to sound judgmental or he won't be honest) because as others have pointed out that is way more than watching porn it's paying an individual to engage in sex acts for or with you.
Then you can decide what your boundaries are and of past behaviour and acts matter to you as well as what happens from here on in.

Also you don't have to say you are ok with porn when you obviously aren't ( for me magazines would be way less sleazy / hardcore than what you can access online or at least as bad so I don't really understand your reasoning).

Yeah it would put me right off.