Escorts

[GrannyofAnarchy]

On August 8th last year I discovered that my husband of 43 years has, for the last five years, been using cheap 'off street' prostitutes.
My work for the last several years has been concerned with working with trafficked women, victims of gender violence and child marriage. Devastated can to begin to describe howI feel in the face of his grotesque hypocrisy and adultery. Renting human holes by the hour for his use. Girls half a century younger than him, girls without a word of english - vulnerable young women with few choices.
I wish I was dead.
I have great respect for working girls - but none for men like my husband.

You found out last year so what has happened since?

with so much to lose we are trying to 'save' our marriage...I am so angry and upset that he is now gaslighting and accusing me of abuse.
all was found, of course, on the Adultwork site. His reviews of the girls, and their appreciations of him.
has anyone out there survived this kind of discovery? I am in hell.

Are you getting a divorce then?

Why do you want to save the marriage?

Have you been tested for STIs?

yes..tested negative. not decided about divorce, but really, really hate him now, so.....
my family has beanery badly hurt stupid, disgusting dirty old man. He is 68, I am nearly 66 and scared of being alone after 45 years together

would love to know if anyone else has had this experience?

Yes, but I divorced them both.

I'm finding it hard to understand your thought processes here, tbh. You are acutely aware of the nature of 'sex work' and the woman-hating arseholes who use prostituted women. And you're contemplating the disadvantages of NOT sharing your life, home and bed with such a person for another 20-30 years?

Seriously. How are you going to live with yourself, never mind him??

I'm surprised you can bear to look at him.

Do you have a good network elsewhere, family/friends? Just get out, he won't stop.

you can get over being scared, he will always be a dirty perv

You can’t sincerely reconcile with someone you despise, and you clearly can’t respect him (and rightfully so). Even you put the word “save” in quotations when referring to your marriage.

Your marriage is dead. You have to accept that. He shattered it. You’ll never be happy together again trying to hold together something that is dead. The next 20 years will be more lonely spent bitterly with him than spent apart.

To stay with him knowing what you do about him would be hypocrisy and make a mockery of your working life. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that. A PP is right, you won't always be scared of being on your own but he will always be a dirty old man.

Agree that it would be very hypocritical to stay with him. You're not going to get past this. He's absolutely disgusting.

Did you discuss your work with him? He was probably getting off talking about it and then off to the internet to try to find some of these trafficked vulnerable women you mentioned so he could use them for an hour 😷

It seems like he's picked the very thing that would hurt you the most.

I know you say you hate him, but it appears he hates you.

Don't try to save a dam thing.

What exactly are you trying to “save”?

is it to do with money/ finances?

i absolutely would not have this man in my home or even remotely entertain the notion that there was anything salvageable from the marriage

I'm 60 & single. Trust me, life is good. Nothing would induce me to stay with a man like your disgusting husband. Where is your self respect?

Does he actually want to remain with you, I should imagine the looks of disgust you give him must melt his face.

There's nothing more lonely than being with the wrong person. Well, except perhaps being with a filthy, cheating woman abuser.

Sounds like is a good time not to be tied to a 68 year old man too. You're getting out before you have to become his carer. I mean sure it could go the other way but lets face it, its usually the woman doing the leg work.

Sorry but I don't see anything worth saving with him.

Fresh stars are always scary but...silver lining, it's a brand new adventure. I know the idea of its painful now but, you've been given a chance for something new, it might be scary but starting afresh just you could lead to something great.

...but staying with him, can you honestly say that's something you won't regret on your deathbed? I think you'll wish you'd spent your last 20 years or so being true to yourself and taking no bullshit. Not making yourself small and spitting in the face of your own innate values.

I think for you, you’re battling between keeping up appearances vs doing the right thing by leaving. Even if you stay with him, you’re going to be lonely

I think the only solution here is to leave him. Go and see a solicitor. Take control. Even if he never goes with one again, hes gone against everything you believe in. Dirty pig. Even if you walk away 50:50 on everything

He's treated you, his family and other women in the most vile way. You hate him but are scared of being alone?

Let me tell you, I'm 52, divorced, my group of wonderful friends are also divorced, the eldest is 72, and we are having the best time! We're all doing what we want, when we want, we support each other and our supportive friendship is far better than either of my marriages.

You will find confidence and a new life by ditching this disgusting man. Trust me! You won't be alone, you'll be having an absolute blast!

This horrible stress, agony of thoughts and feelings you're in right now will literally dry up overnight when you're not living with him. When you don't have to try hard to make it work. When you don't have to eat with him, go to events with him and pretend. The mental anguish about his actions vs your morals will go when you are free of him.

If you continue with him the best you can hope for is that you swallow them and live with the pain under the surface.

Living alone can be scary, definitely (I just got divorced in a very scary, precarious situation). But at least you can live. At the moment your entire life centres around what he's done. You're trying your best to move on from it, over it, forget it, come to terms with it. It's shaping your life.

Does he and do his actions really deserve to swallow you up?