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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need advice

3 replies

Owlgirl1987 · 24/02/2024 19:06

I have previously posted about the affair my husband had. We have stayed together and we are having marriage counselling.
I have suffered with low confidence and anxiety for many years.
I just wondered if anyone had any advice of what might help me to not feel so down and negative all the time and if there's any books I could read or anything i could do to help.
My mind goes to thinking about the affair and what was said and done and rhen it spirals and I feel rubbish.
Any help would he gratefully received.

OP posts:
Mydentity101 · 24/02/2024 19:48

Here's a few..

Use your phone's recording device to document your thoughts if upset. This can also be done as and when the urge to get angry threatens your day. Surprisingly effective self therapy, listening to what you're going through, vocalized. Use until you don't need then delete forever.

Exercise. Just a little something every day. No routine, just do what feels right for you. At least 15 minutes to begin with, increase gradually over time. Very good for raising your mood, investing in your own self worth and helping self esteem. Also handy self validation as your fitness improves. You'll begin to feel more capable, stronger.

Long, relaxing baths. Candles, quiet music the works. Think about nothing at all. Helps take one's mind off the devastation for a while and recharge. Sounds silly but many people treat their body like a machine, auto pilot, especially following traumatic episodes like yours.

Buy yourself something, that's self explanatory.

Talk it out. If you've a trusted friend somewhere, meet up for a coffee and have a rant. Works best if they're pissed off about something too(!) Give yourselves a time limit, say two minutes each. Go back and forth for a few rounds.. You'll be crying with laughter (not anguish) soon enough. Also a good way of offloading without feeling selfish, mutual support.

I've heard Surviving Infidelity is a great site for those in your situation. Might be worth a look.

That'll do

manipulatrice · 24/02/2024 20:06

I'm with you OP.

A really good forum I joined, surviving fidelity, I highly recommend it.
In particular, this post resonated so deeply with me:

www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/324250/things-that-every-ws-needs-to-know/

Berosey54432 · 24/02/2024 23:40

Owlgirl1987 · 24/02/2024 19:06

I have previously posted about the affair my husband had. We have stayed together and we are having marriage counselling.
I have suffered with low confidence and anxiety for many years.
I just wondered if anyone had any advice of what might help me to not feel so down and negative all the time and if there's any books I could read or anything i could do to help.
My mind goes to thinking about the affair and what was said and done and rhen it spirals and I feel rubbish.
Any help would he gratefully received.

It isn’t my place to judge but is it your lack of confidence and anxiety that is making you want this to so desperately work? Can you honestly get passed the affair and be happy? Just know that you are worth so much more and with the right support you would believe it too that you don’t need him.

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