Need to give my head a wobble

[lackofvitamindd]

I am aware I'm being stupid and a complete sad sack....

But...

I met a guy and were texting for a couple of weeks, really great chat seemed we had loads in common fancied him.

Met for a date and he's ghosted me since.

I'm ridiculously gutted....I'm your usual confident women and it's really bothered me...

Cheer me up ladies...

Have you messaged him since the date?

Yeah and he's read and ignored...

He's not interested, why has it bothered me so much 😬

Did you have any intimacy on that first date?

No, he didn't try...!
Texts were fairly a PG were a little cheeky but nothing filthy which would have given me a red flag!!

I'm guessing jn RL he didn't fancy me 😞

I think there is perhaps an element of the "fantasy future" that has been built up in your mind because of the texts etc. And lack of closure is really really hard to deal with. I'm going through something similar at the moment and it is very hard. I found "Do the work" on IG really helpful in explaining the woes and feelings in dating. I think she had a podcast as well.
Im also trying hard to see early stages of dating just as a chance to meet and chat to different people instead of getting carried away in a narrative of what the future with one person may look like. One date at a time for now.
Go easy on yourself. You are only human and we can't control our hearts, sadly x

He might not be interested..The other possibility is he was already seeing someone and you were a back up, then things progressed with the other person. I had both when OLD. It’s rough. You dust yourself off. Do some self care. Listen to some angry music and let it out! You’ll be okay. You deserve better!

Try to have a mindset shift. Raise your self esteem to the point that any disinterest in you should be a massive turn off.

he clearly has bad taste. Gross.

Aaaww that's not a nice experience. Sympathies. It's so, so common but still really hurtful.

He doesn't know you. He hasn't appreciated you. He's not for you. He sounds horrible behaving like that, there's no excuse for ghosting.

Head up and move on but I'm sorry you've had such an unnecessarily nasty experience.

Hi darling. This is completely normal in OLD. It is not possible that everyone likes us and it’s not possible to like everyone.
Most people have a type and certain preferences. For example I am not attracted by blonde men at all. Even If he is Brad Pitt. It has nothing to do with appearance. It has to do with chemistry and personal taste. And this is valid for every single person even If you look lile Gisele.
Go to OLD with an open mind and expect to reject and be rejected. And enjoy the experience in the meantime. It’s part of the process. It’s just not possible for everyone to like us. Or quite likely he liked you but he liked someone else more and wants to proceed with her. Or he has someone else on his mind.
Don’t be disheartened. Take a break amd get back into the dating scene. I find it good fun amd educational.

It’s totally normal don’t beat yourself up!! Last year my ex of 11 years ended our relationship I certainly wasn’t aware of how dating in 2023 worked.

I got chatting to a guy who was in a similar situation - friend of a friend we exchanged flirty texts chatted fairly frequently for a couple of weeks met in person amongst group of separate friends afterwards he was a still complementary then couple of weeks after nothing - completely ghosted. He deleted me off social media more recently too.

I should point out this was six months ago. I was hung up on it for a few weeks after because like another comment above you do get carried away thinking ahead but then my mindset changed.

If he wanted to reach out he would have and he hasn’t. No one is ever too busy. He might want to be alone and think it isn’t fair to continue the back and forth small talk and give you the wrong impression. There could be a hundred reasons why and you may never know. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off! As much as you think he would have been ‘right’ for you right now he isn’t and that’s okay tell yourself it wasn’t meant to be and move forwards with your life as when the timing is right you will find the one who is worthy of you.

Really sorry to hear it, and sending virtual hugs! One possibility was that he was never interested in more than a first date or had already met others or was just seeking attention. In my age range (40s) plenty of single men I have met fell into this category - after someone to spend an evening with, probably hoping for casual sex, or to get a confidence boost and never meaning to follow up since there are so many other options out there.

Thank you for all you lovely messages and those that have shared their stories.

I can't believe how much dating has changed in 15 years 😱

You are all spot on, it's so frustrating, but yes I'll dust myself off pop my crown back on and crack on!!!!

Love to you all xxx

Honestly OP, there's a huge difference in the OLD world in the last 10 years or so, it's a sweet shop mentality now so much choice! He was probably multi dating as many do, and that's OK but best to be aware. There's no excuse for ghosting but at least he showed his true colours early on so you didn't waste your time.
There's a dating thread on here with a great set of dating' rules' and well worth a look.

You sound like you could do a million times better than him! Don't let this experience put you off x

A very similar thing happened to me a week ago. I've spent quite a time nursing a bruised ego. I did let it go all the way and actually don't regret it. I've accepted that he's in a bad place and I've blocked him from everything.

I'm taking a break now. One thing that's making me feel better is I saw a much younger friend last night and I was filling her in. She told me it's happening to everyone she knows who is dating at the moment. She's a PHD student. A colleague was OLD and hid her location to broaden her horizons as she'd had the same issues as me before (my first match on POF was the guy round the corner I'd been chasing anyway.)

Got chatting to a surgeon from London. After a while chatting he made the journey down to spend some time with her. She slept with him and he dumped her 2 days later saying he felt no connection which is exactly the same line mine used.

It's not you and its happening everywhere to everyone. Look after yourself.

It's par for the course these days. I'd certainly not take it personally
I had a similar experience. Fabulous first date. Then ghosted me. A year later sent dick pics.
Men are without exception generally scum