I don't want any contact with ex - am I being silly after so long?

[Bikeandkite]

We are broken up just over 2.5 years after 5.5 years together. Without going into details, he treated me badly at the end. I'm doing fine now without him in my life and haven't really seen him - only once from a distance. He wanted to be friends at the end but I didn't want this.

The problem is mutual friends trying to get me more involved again in a social circle that involves him - something I'd taken a step back from but met those I was closest to separately.
One or two are on at me lately saying I can talk/ mingle with others, ignore him. I think they feel it's been unfair on me.

Truthfully, I don't want this, but have begun to doubt myself and think am I being unreasonable- should I forgive and forget?

I'm easily swayed by opinions of others at times.

No! You do only what you feel comfortable with.
Tell them to leave you alone.

No. Do what you want.

I agree. Do what you want.

They are suggesting it because they want to spend time with you in that group of people.

I there suggesting it for purely selfish reasons.

Do what you want. We would you allow yourself to be swayed by their opinions?

Definitely not if it’s not what you want

If you don't want to socialise in circles where you see your ex then don't. I wouldn't.

Hell no! These “friends” are being insensitive and pushy. I wonder if he has told them that he’s miserable without you….? I would let them know that you have no desire to ever breathe the same oxygen as anyone who treated you with disrespect and you are happy NOT having anything to do with him.

I wish I had made that decision at the start. I was married for about 10 years, off and on we were together about 17 years, childhood sweethearts. We didn't have children but i felt i owed it to him and everyone to maintain contact. I then spent years listening to everyone talk about him in positive ways, it grated so much. Felt i couldn't tell everyone what he'd really been like after all those years of keeping silent and maintaining contact. I finally managed to get up the nerve to break contact when I overhead him speaking to someone he clearly considered beneath him, the way he used to speak with me but never publicly. In that moment I hated that i maintained the contact and was polite to keep the peace for everyone and I finally cut contact.

Your friends can see you outside that social circle. No need for any involvement with your ex. They shouldn't be trying to drag you back into contact with him. Do what you want to do, it's not up to anyone else to dictate how you socialise.

Thanks for the advice and good to know I'm not wrong to feel this way. I think they're just concerned that I'm missing out, but I'm happier doing things that don't involve him.

We do not remain friends with people who treated us badly and we should go no contact with exes, unless there are kids.

I'd not have any contact with my angry, pathological lying, thieving, gaslighting ex under any circumstances. In my mind he's a criminal despite no doubt walking about subtly torturing everyone close to him as I write this. Once you've seen through them you cannot unsee and you'd feel bad about yourself if you capitulated.

No kids involved. I'm not bitter or petty and I am over him but I still don't want to 'forgive and forget' as I was in a bad place after breakup and it took a lot of work to get myself right again. He said some horrible things to me at the end.

I wouldn't. Prioritise yourself and your needs.

If I had a friend who had treated me badly I wouldn't want to be around them, so I totally understand how you would feel about someone you had been emotionally involved with (especially as you were badly affected by it).

Assuming mutual friends are unaware of quite how horrible he was to you?

Yes, I didn't want to bad-mouth him to mutual friends All they know is that it wasn't my decision to end the relationship.

@Qquq are you the OP?

They don't know the situation.

You look after yourself here and do what's right for you. They don't know what's right, because they don't know what he was like at the end.

Trust yourself here.