Grew up hearing mum call me a b**rd, ugly, useless, who would want you as a friend. I was kicked as a child as punishment and parents both drank heavily and took drugs in the house with us children present. I was also witness to my mum shoplifting and when I asked her about as a child, I was shamed into doing so. I could describe more but you get the idea. Fast forward to today, and I am really struggling. I’ve had my first child and I think this is where it’s started as I just can’t comprehend how this happened. I would never dream of calling my child any like the above, and the most hurtful thing is I never knew my real father, he has never been spoken of so it is very hard to reflect upon.
No one in family will discuss anything that happened and my family had I have a polite yet distant relationship now. I distance myself from their behaviours, still a lot of drink and I’m pretty much teetotal. I think they see me as difficult because I don’t go the pub every weekend to get pissed. It’s a lonely place to be and I’m wondering should I relocate away as when I did live elsewhere before, I was happier.