So low need support x

[twinkle2525]

Hello I'll try keep this short as possible.
I'm 32. 3 kids. Two are teenage girls and a 6 year old boy.
Love them loads.

I've been through domestic violence you name it with sons dad. But that's all over either now thanks to court and we've moved on and we share our son.

I met a new man 2 years ago. I adore him. I love him dearly and I know he loves me.
He's good in so many ways. Honestly.
At Christmas I lost our 1st baby together at 9 weeks. Yes only been together 2 years but hey ho.
It's really upset me but I'm getting better now.
However I've started to feel like me & him are actually very different. He's 46 lives alone in a lovely house. No kids. No ties nothing and he can be pretty selfish. He does everything he needs to do before I come into it

I'm a 32 year old. 3 kids. Little house. Struggle to make ends meet. But try my best. My house is noisy lol. I just can't see us moving forward together. And it saddens me. He's not overly a child person like me. I adore children & family.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I just feel like I'm always trying to make everyone happy but myself. I'm with out. I'm drained. I'm low.
I just offered my teenage girls a McDonald's lunch so I could cry alone in my car for ten mins whilst I fetched it. My boy is at his dad's so I miss him a lot too.
I'm just so emotional.

Today I woke up, suns shining, my boys at his dads, my teen girls are seeing mates and my "partner" hasn't offered to do nothing I just feel so lonely inside. It's crippling me
No friends or family in my area as when I went through domestic V I was moved 20 miles away xx

Lift me up please I'm on the edge

Well maybe step away from the edge and breathe?

That'd be a start(!)

Yeah I get you but listen, if you're unhappy with someone you love, you gotta tell them about it. I'm actually a man with quite similar circumstances to yours; never married, am childless and (just about) self sufficient. Sure, iit can make a guy selfish if he's not hearing otherwise, there's nothing to change for is there? He's obviously in need of a serious chat that only you can have with him.

The tragic loss of your child must be absolutely horrible to endure, you have my sympathies. You need your man by your side right now, that's mostly what I'm picking up from your post.
Have you thought about what's going to happen when you guys do conceive succefully, whilst dealing with the same selfishness? That needs addressing quickly.

As for how you feel today, all I can offer is this: treat yourself nicely in some way, you decide. But chat to your man about his detached status from you. It's valid. Just don't feel ashamed or uncomfortable asking for what you want.

Bless

Im sorry for your loss. But I suppose... it's given you reason to examine your life and maybe make changes for the better.

If I'm honest, I'd say a man nearly 15 years your senior saw you in a vulnerable time and latched on. You say he's nice but you also say he's selfish...so which one is it? Is it possible that he isn't actually nice...he is just better than the last asshole. That's still not really good enough is it. The only reason to be in a relationship is if it makes your life maluch happier than without one.

At 32 you have your whole life ahead of you and I wouldn't be tying myself to a 46 year old now anyway. Though maybe it's a good thing he is very...bachelor-esk as the last thing you need is a selfish person moving in and being child number 4 in the household.

I think you NEED to be single now. Not because it'll be easier but because you need to acclimatise to being being single and not feeling alone. To being comfortable in yourself and your own company. To develop the self love that your ex probably did a damn good job trying to steal.

I'd focus on creating new friendships. Maybe when your ex has his son, you could go out to meetup groups or something and make new friends.

Partners who aren't right for us have a way of making us feel MORE lonely. Also, after abuse, we may latch onto new partners as a crutch. When actually you cannot put a plaster over a knife wound. You have to do the self work. Usually, whilst single.

If you decide to keep him then be extra careful with contraception in future. Do not have a child with a man you know is selfish, you have 0ne shitty baby daddy already and that's enough. He doesn't sound like the one for you but I suppose if it's just for fun and company....

really sorry to hear you are so low and losing a baby takes a lot of time for us as women to get over and it all must be so fresh.
I think your partner sounds more like a boyfriend if I’m honest here. The seperate lifestyle is something that jumps off the page. I’ve been with my partner 4 years and every child free weekend we get we are together ( we both are divorced and both coordinated weekend turn taking ) and we go out when we have our kids too. I am not trying to make you feel worse but seems he isn’t emotionally supporting you and you have been through alot. Also yes I agree be extra careful with contraception, I think you need space to breathe x

Your amazing!!! Look what you overcome!!
Sometimes things don’t work out relationships sadly run their course especially if you aren’t on the same page. It sounds like this is something you are quite accepting of. Perhaps a break will do you good.

I’ll share my story with you so I’m 29 and last year my partner of 11 years on/ off (but mostly on!) ended our relationship. I am lucky in the sense that my family are well off so would help financially but they don’t offer to help with the childcare of my two children at all. It would be great if they would as my eldest is almost 8 and she’s never slept out. I realised that for the longest time I’d been depressed and my life didn’t have much purpose I was just a parent I wasn’t an actual person anymore I didn’t have my own interests.

So you know what I did? I made time for me! It was very strange at first but I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to go on walks alone, group meditations, the gym, reconnect with old friends… it felt amazing!

Tik Tok was my best friend for months… relationship coaching, tarot, astrology, manifestation I became obsessed and my mindset changed and I began to believe I could achieve anything.

I became the old but better version of myself and my ex saw that and he wanted me back… I levelled the F up and oozed confidence.

Fast forward 12 months and I have a better relationship than ever… I continue to work on myself every single day to be the best version I can possibly be… I have down days like the next person but knowing what brings me happiness - hobbies and people I wake up every morning and I’m grateful for everything that I have.

My god just end it with this man please! You deserve so much more!!!
Plan something for the next weekend your ds is away either a mn activity with your girls or something with friends or just a treat for yourself please!
You should be living it up when your childcare responsibilities go down and a decent partner would want to with you.
He's selfish and lazy how deeply unattractive.
I promise you your own company is better than feeling like this xx

Stop expending your emotional energy on a man who doesn't reciprocate it.

He's. Not. Bothered.

You are intelligent, loving, YOUNG, and worth far more than you're getting from him. If you don't want more for yourself than he is giving, no one else will. You're a convenient way to pass time when it suits him. This should be a deal breaker for you.

Cut him out and move on. You've honestly barely begun to live, so stop squandering your youth.

And the more time you waste with him the less time you have to find someone decent if that's what you desire x