Trigger warning. DV and SA
I left my children’s dad many years ago after becoming afraid of him.
two years affair then using postnatal blues after a traumatic birth against me and then assaulting me during sex.
I kept this quiet many years but when he decided to start being at my child’s sporting activity more and more I lost it and outed him. No one could reduce his time there because I have no police record.
Then we went to court re access because my child was behaving aggressively and they decided keep 50/50 because I’d never reported assaults and changing would upset my child (I was a very different nervous person then since therapy I’m furious- not sure how therapy has helped)
To now, I was advised by Live Fear Free to point out some concerning behaviour of ex to eldest and now that being used as a reason not to see me. He was sending nasty messages and getting eldest to slag me off because the menopause is battering me.
When I have seen kids they don’t care about the court order but not giving any real reasons other than he was told no for something I had to provide a reference for.
he’s told them this is all my fault and as always everything he says is believed.
Ive had loads of different therapies and medication and just can’t get over what he did and it leaks out of me.
To the point I don’t know if I want them to come back because of the connection to him still but don’t want him messing them up mentally because that’s what he does.
If I move far away I get peace from him but worry about their wellbeing, if I fight he turns them further against me and if I stay he gets to make me feel unsafe in my own home because I know he’s sending nasty messages and upsetting my children.
I own my part in upsetting the kids because I’ve reached a point I can’t not admit I don’t like him and he pulls them in more and more with money and the fear of them being mentally abused or them turning out like him makes me feel ill.
I’m having support through counselling and a mediation service. But part of me wants to run far far away.
Im scared court action would just worsen things because after last time he’s convinced everyone I was just trying to ‘take the kids away’
I feel I’ve let everyone down by not having reported it to the police years ago I never thought he’d develop a sudden interest in them once they were older. Thought I could just go and it would be fine.
If I report it now, it’s my word vs his and he convinces everyone.
I feel so pathetic and such a let down to my kids.
Ive had no luck dating so think people think I’m a joke because of that too and the menopause is making me feel exhausted and low.
AM I unreasonable not wanting them there?
my experience of court was being told sports are father son so not to say anything about him not being there on kids time with me and that he’d got them convinced I’m a liar so court was a hard experience so not one I’m keen to replicate for any of us. He was ordered not to talk to them about it but still did.