(Alcoholism) Help me please, I'm going to burst into tears soon

[bcsnowpea]

DH is an alcoholic, though it's only been a few months since he's given up alcohol.
He likes to go for walks at night, and two Mondays ago, I thought he smelled of booze in the morning, but I talked myself out of it (denial).

He went walking again last night, and this morning our bedroom reeks of whiskey.

Please, anyone with previous experience, what do I do?
I want to shake him awake and confront him, but I'm a chicken, and instead I'm drinking tea and sitting here.
We have a 16 month old.
I'm supposed to go in for a half day of work today, and I really just want to be home with ds, and figure out what the hell to do about dh. DH cares full-time for DS, and I don't particular like the thought of him watching DS with the hang-over he's bound to have.

Please, someone tell me what I should do.

BTW, am in Australia, which is why it's morning here.

Have you heard of Al-Anon? You need some support, and from folks who have been there.

You are not alone. There are plenty of members on this board who are also partners of alchoholics.

Or, feel free to join us on the Dependent Drinkers/Alcoholics thread.

We're here to support one another on this thread - be it for people struggling with drink, in recovery, affected by drinking in partners or friends, etc. It is a non-judgmental area for people to come and talk about drinking and how it is affecting them in any way.

dependentdrinkers

Bumping for you.

alcoholism is as you know an illness(a v close friend of mine is an alcoholic)if you are concerbed about your childs well being in the care of your dh -dont go to work today but long term i think all you can do is support your dh in trying to recover if he is unwilling you may hve to reconsider your reltionship t the mo hes a secret drinker how long before hes a full in your face drinker?

How awful for you. I don't have any direct experience but have a very close friend who went through something very similar. If he's drinking again you need to protect your child first and foremost which means he isn't really a suitable carer. Also, if he's drinking again its probably all day when no ones looking not just in the evenings. Second, only he can deal with his drinking problem. Personally I would tell him straight that you know he is drinking again and ask him to leave the family home until he has it under control again. By all means support him in going into some kind of rehab, be there for him etc but there needs to be a huge line between the family home and his drinking behaviour. Do you have AAnon in Oz or anything similar, here in the UK they also offer loads of support for partners of alcoholics.
Hopefully someone with more direct experience will be along soon with more practical advice

try this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/138/476534

ooops, just noticed expat has posted the link.

This is Al-anon's Australian webpage. I would urge you to contact them asap:-

www.al-anon.alateen.org/australia

Did he give up alcohol because you asked him to? Is it just a promise he made to you?

I ask because I was in a relationship with someone who was an alcoholic and he told me many times that he would cut-down or quit alltogether when really all it did was turn him into a secret drinker.

Al-anon was suggested to me by countless friends, and though I didn't contact them myself in the end I think if I had stayed in the relationship, getting support from them would have been really helpful.

I think you need to be straight with him about your suspicions, but don't give him any ultimatums you cannot stick to because functioning alcoholics like him will see it as being able to get away with continuing to drink.

My ex even blamed me for his drinking, don't let your husband do the same. You need to be strong and clear about how you feel and what effect it is having on you and your relationship. Ultimately he will only do something about it when he realises he has a problem.

Thank you everyone.
He did drink a whole bottle of whisky one day, and that was what cracked it initially. He did go to AA, but stopped. I didn't know if making him go was my responsibility, or if he would just resent me.

My DH has an uncle whose life was ruined by addictions, and I think of him whenever I see DH like this. It scares me so much.

Thank you expat and shaniece for the link. I tried to find it, but I guess my eyes skipped over it. I will definitely check it out.

I feel better with some outside persepective. I need to deal with this today. I will.

I just really didn't want this to be a place in our marriage, but who ever does I suppose?

Now I'm just rambling.

I also forgot to say don't carry the burden by yourself. Are the rest of his family aware of his problem?

No, neither his nor my family are aware, and I knew that would become an issue. He never wanted to admit it to anyone outside our marriage.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

When someone is dependent on drink, he has to really and truly want to stop such a life, no matter what. It has to be his top priority, otherwise, it's not likely it's going to work.

Because it's day to day, because you can never get complacent, because it's a lifestyle change for good.

It is NOT your fault he is addicted to alcohol.

It is NOT your fault he relapses.

What is for you is how YOU will deal with how it is affecting you in your life and your child's.

And this is why it is so vital that you try to get some help and support for YOU and your child.

I should go and shower.
Thanks for the input everyone. I can never express how much I appreciate it at 6.30am when everyone else is asleep.

bcsnowpea

If you contact Al-anon in Australia they will be able to give you support.

You also need to remember the three C's:-

You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure him by yourself, he has to want to fully accept he has a problem.

I echo what expatinscotland says. You need support too. My ex got very angry when I started to make it clear to his family so only you can judge if telling them is a good idea, but it did actually make me feel better to in a way hand over some of the feelings of responsibility to them.

Hope you are able to to talk to him about it and that he makes some changes x

my husband has an alcohol problem which he doesnt admit to.He changes into a completely different person when he is drunk-confrontational & unreasonable.He is full of apologies the next day. He blames our relationship for his drinking but I think its the other way round. Who to turn to?Our parents take sides & this does not help. I can't confide in friends & until he accepts there is a problem we cannot turn to AA?

Doc75 you need to start a new thread of your own, this one is 3.5 years old.