Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just need a little boost…

3 replies

Ratherstandonacliffandsetfiretomyself · 24/02/2024 07:27

Let me preface by saying I have a fair bit of background trauma… bullying/abuse in childhood, abusive relationship and last serious partner cheated on me repeatedly. However I’ve had a shit ton of therapy and worked on myself and truly got to a point where I want to meet someone (I’m 38 but can’t have children or want children so not an issue here).

Thing is I don’t ever seem to meet anyone I like! Maybe I’m picky but I feel like I have to be as I’m not willing to settle. I’ve been on the OLD apps but had maybe a couple of dates in the whole of last year which haven’t gone anywhere.

Met someone at Christmas time on Bumble who seemed to be everything I was looking for. Had a few dates (no sex) and then he was quite poorly for a couple weeks, after which he said he needed some space. Stupidly I believed him and we’ve been texting every day since and making plans to rekindle stuff in the next few weeks (and I mean actual concrete plans not just oh we might). Usually been him sending the first message and him crossing the line between just flirty and more than that…

So yesterday he says he still needs space and he’s needed space all along, implying that I haven’t given it. Basically he’s not been honest and so in my eyes I’m done. I’m not waiting around for him to develop some resilience (he says he’s had issues with work and the property he’s been renovating but I’ve been working 70-80 hour weeks lately and still wanting to see him!). Worst of all he did this while I was on a boat on the other side of the fucking world!

I guess this is just a long- winded way of asking how I pick myself up and keep looking when OLD is so soul destroying! (I never really go out, no single men at work and the only hobby I have where men are is the gym and I’m not striking up a conversation there!)

OP posts:
AprilDecember · 24/02/2024 07:37

I've made peace with the idea that I might never meet someone. A fair number of people never do.

Dating apps are indeed pretty soul destroying, especially once you get to this age. I deleted them all about a year ago and honestly felt so much less pressure and disappointment, I've been pretty happy since. I would love a partner but I've realised being single also has its perks.

I go out all the time but I never really meet romantic prospects that way.

Sounds like this guy just wanted someone for an ego boost and virtual sex to wank off to without actually putting any effort in. Good on you for ditching him.

Why do you never go out and why do you work so many hours? Is that a constant thing or just seasonal? If you make more time for yourself maybe not having a partner wouldn't feel like such a downer. But if actually you love working and aren't bothered about more time for leisure then work is also a good way to fill the time!

Superawkward · 24/02/2024 07:50

Agree with @AprilDecember make peace with being on you own. I'm mid 40s. I have two children who will be living with me for another ten years (at least!). I have no desire to live with another partner just now. So I suppose that kind of makes it easier for me to make peace with not having a full on relationship.

I'm also OLD. My expectations are in the basement TBH. I am not expecting to meet 'the one'. I am using it as a way of meeting people, chatting and socialising. Having a few nice nights out at the weekend. If I find an actual proper relationship I will amazed.

Ratherstandonacliffandsetfiretomyself · 24/02/2024 08:30

AprilDecember · 24/02/2024 07:37

I've made peace with the idea that I might never meet someone. A fair number of people never do.

Dating apps are indeed pretty soul destroying, especially once you get to this age. I deleted them all about a year ago and honestly felt so much less pressure and disappointment, I've been pretty happy since. I would love a partner but I've realised being single also has its perks.

I go out all the time but I never really meet romantic prospects that way.

Sounds like this guy just wanted someone for an ego boost and virtual sex to wank off to without actually putting any effort in. Good on you for ditching him.

Why do you never go out and why do you work so many hours? Is that a constant thing or just seasonal? If you make more time for yourself maybe not having a partner wouldn't feel like such a downer. But if actually you love working and aren't bothered about more time for leisure then work is also a good way to fill the time!

Edited

The way you’ve written it makes me realise that that was exactly what he was after. His last message before he suddenly needed space was about what he was off to do over my photos!

The work thing I’ll be putting a stop to when I get back from my hols, I don’t even get paid for anything above 37.5 a week but I’m public sector and apparently good at my job so they all just want a piece of me! I’ve told them it needs to stop though. I guess by not going out I probably more meant to spaces where I might meet someone - I do go to a pub quiz every week (no eligible men unless a new team turns up!) and occasionally go for a meal/drink but not to bars etc. (small town) plus all my friends are married or coupled up so have no interest going to those places…

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread