Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Issues with DDs father and handover at contact

9 replies

FlyingFleetwood · 23/02/2024 10:23

I'm at my wits end with this abuser.
We've reached the end of family court proceedings. Despite significant findings of child and domestic abuse, the court are progressing contact for the father and DD.

DD has 8 progressive sessions of contact in the community before it is built up to unsupervised and overnights.

During the community contact we use a third party from maternal and paternal family members.

This week is a paternal family member. I advised the father via a communication app that I will handover to his family member. The father is insisting he will attend handover and I handover to him and speak to him directly. I reiterated I will handover to his family member.

I do not want to see this man. He triggers me and I just don't want it to be uncomfortable for DD. He wants to intimidate me and for me to feel like a scared woman attending the handover.

Court order does not advise he can attend handovers. Court order identifies the use of third party.

I'm trying to arrange a friend to handover for me but what do I do if I can't? I suppose i can just grey rock him and engage directly with DD and tell her to have a nice time and I'll see her later, but other than that what else can I do? He's insistent he will attend the handover. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him.

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 23/02/2024 10:29

Is it possible for you to see if he is there beforehand? And then just drive off if he is and message to explain why.

HashtagShitShop · 23/02/2024 10:32

Can you message the court or social worker or whoever was involved in setting it up and advise that he's breaking the order in attending handover to intimidate you and won't stop? Keep it official and record all your information, who you speak to, what you say, what happens at the handover etc. Write it whilst it's fresh in your brain.

Fraaahnces · 23/02/2024 10:34

Take a photo of him and leave.

Allywill · 23/02/2024 11:35

how old is DD? Could you for example park at one end of a car park/path etc and let her walk to dad on her own. so you are too far apart to converse but still have DD in line of sight? obvs won’t work if DD is very young. the third party thing seems like it’s not really a feasible solution long term as you can’t expect family members to facilitate contact indefinitely

FlyingFleetwood · 23/02/2024 13:33

DD is 6 so can just walk over I guess. I can say goodbye to her and let her walk over I guess.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 23/02/2024 13:35

Bring a friend and have her walk child over.

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 23/02/2024 13:54

pikkumyy77 · 23/02/2024 13:35

Bring a friend and have her walk child over.

Yes I agree with this.

Panama2 · 23/02/2024 15:07

You should tell someone though and have it recorded

FlyingFleetwood · 23/02/2024 16:55

Panama2 · 23/02/2024 15:07

You should tell someone though and have it recorded

I've emailed the cafcass guardian for her advice and take on it

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread