DH has said I don't spend enough time as a family...........

[warmsummersday]

Hi. Sorry, I know my problems arn't half as bad as some peoples but just need a chat.

DH works abroad in week and he came home thursday night and has just gone off for the week (mon pm). He has been busy on friday servicing our cars so I took the kids to see some friends, saturday he said I could have a day on my own so I went to the gym and horse riding, sunday he worked on the cars in the morning and then we lounged about all day doing nothing ( we could have gone out) and this morning I went to the gym.

He has now made me feel really bad saying every opportunity I get I spend at the gym and we haven't had any family time together these few days. Excuse me but do I not look aftert he kids all week on my own? He is not coming back this coming weekend so it will be 2 weeks before I see him. Also when he has things to do or people to see it's ok for him to miss family time!

Sorry for the rant but am I really in the wrong?

It must be very hard to find the right balance when he's working away from home so much. Not unreasonable to want some time on your own if you've been doing kids single handed all week IMO. He presumably has every evening to himself to do what he wants in the week. Maybe purposely set aside a day/afternoon each weekend to do family stuff.

Take no notice.

he sounds as if he is 'projecting' and feels guilty.

Christ, I'd be out all damn weekend.

Thanks girls.

I just feel like I can't have any time out when he is back because he always has so much to do himself.

I did say a few times over the weekend lets take the kids swimming but he just says it will be too busy or it's too cold, then lays on the sofa all afternoon while I cooked a roast.

So it's not my fault? I knew we couldn't do much today as he had to leave at 3.30pm so that's why I went to the gym.

Can I suggest next time you don't cook the lunch?

Hmmm, it's a tricky one. My dh also works away from 4am Mondays to 8pm Thursdays, and works from home on Fridays (unless he's in Latin America, in which case he'll be away longer). If I'm lucky, he'll take dd (age 2) out swimming one weekend morning, which means I'll have up to a couple of hours on my own, but the rest of the time we usually spend all together as a family, even if it's just me playing with dd at home whilst he potters on the computer or reads a book.

I don't think that you're unreasonable for wanting some time on your own, but I also don't think he's unreasonable for wanting some family time.

How old are your children? I presume not school age yet. Could you afford for them to go to a childminder one afternoon a week to give you a bit of a break? We started doing this a few months ago, and it has been a real help in stopping me from going totally insane.

If he wants 'family time' he can make it. AND cook the lunch.

I think next time he comes home you should book a restaurant somewhere and all go out for lunch and have some family time then.

This would give you a break from cooking but you would still be together as a family.

It is difficult and I do know how you feel. DH works so hard and I do get more time at home on my own now but at the weekend and partic over BH weekend I have been conscious of letting DH do his own thing and watch rugby but spend time as a family too.

We went to watch Horton hears a Who yesterday and today we went to a soft play area and we have had a lovely weekend.

We wont see DH now from tomorrow til Friday but I am quite looking forward to that! I can have scrambled egg in the evening instead of cooking a big meal!!

cantsleepwontsleep, we have had loads of time just pottering around, playing with kids, I have spent alot of time with DD1 doing arty things which has been nice and he will play with us or be on the internet or reading, surely this is family time, which is what I said to him. We don't have to go out all the time. My girls are 5 and 1, oldest in school full time. It's not a problem about childcare, I get to go to the gym in week aswell (think im becoming abit obsessed with it though!)

lol Issy!

Good question though, what is family time?

I really don't like 'being a family'...

motherinferior, neither do I . I realised this only recently and it bothers me a bit.

dh travels quite a bit and when he is home I do grab some time to myself, andering around the shops, going to gym etc..thinl its impotant when you've had kids to sort out all week on your own tbh..he prob gets time to himself when away, even sitting on a plane and reading a book is a luxury most mummies don't get..

I just take time out when I wont it..though dh does moan about it