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Original poster

Is there someone with legal experience on here please

36 replies

Karend123 · 22/02/2024 10:00

Advice needed please!!!
I do online shopping for my elderly mother (I live quite a distance from her) that includes both food, gifts and special event cards. My brother started to look through mum's bank statements for last year, quite rightly, and highlighted any queries as mum had given me authorisation on any purchases made. He highlighted charges from Amazon of about £70 which was my fault but hadn't realised had occured, I accepted the error immediately and told him it would be repaid on March 4th plus a bit more as a sort of compensation, so £100 would be paid. I set up the payment from my bank account and sent a copy of it to him. He (with the help of his wife who is ex police officer and ex PA to a Barrister) have written staying they want screenshots of the transactions in question and they should be received by a certain date. I don't see why I should as the error was agreed to freely and will be repaid. I have been made to feel like a criminal under investigation. Can he take me to court even though I will be repaying and apologised for the error? By the way, the error came about because I had done shopping for her on Amazon and I had hit the default button when adding her card. I did not realise. This is the honest truth but I'm sick to my stomach that this has happened.

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 22/02/2024 10:03

If you have power of attorney over her finances and he thinks you have abused that then he can report it to the office of public guardian .

Spirallingdownwards · 22/02/2024 10:05

Tell him that you made one mistake with that order for the reason you have stated and that if he is unhappy with the set up then he is very welcome to take over doing all of mum's shopping for her instead.

Soontobe60 · 22/02/2024 10:06

So if you made the purchase for your DM, why are you paying back the money plus extra?
Does anyone have POA for your mums finances?

blooblom · 22/02/2024 10:07

You owe £70. Not £100. Pay the £70 back and nothing more. It was a mistake. Is there a backstory here? You're helping your mum by doing her shopping.

Bowbobobo · 22/02/2024 10:11

ask him why he wants the extra info.

im not sure what you mean by ‘take you to court’. The actual police are not involved and this is not a criminal matter. As a civil matter, what could he claim? It’s your mother’s money that you are repaying due to a small error, so he has no claim. None of his business.

you are overthinking and he is overreacting. What does your mother make of it? How are family relationships generally?

TwelveKeys · 22/02/2024 10:15

He just wants screenshots? Have you explained exactly what the error was (it's not clear to me from your posts). Maybe he just can't understand what happened to watch out for it happening again so thinks a screenshot of the Amazon transaction will be easier to get the relevant info.

Or is it screenshots of your repayment he wants as proof you've repaid? If so that will just show up in your mum's bank statement so he can chill out.

You haven't committed a crime.

Moosegooseontheloose · 22/02/2024 10:16

Pay back the £70 and all done.Cancel the default card.

If there is nothing else out of order and nothing to hide, you don’t need to answer to them.
Just carry on doing your mum’s shopping for her.

What are they going to take you to court for ? For making one error which you’ve fixed?

Do you have POA ?

Maybe they can take over shopping for mum ?

Crikeyalmighty · 22/02/2024 10:22

He sounds an absolute arsehole to be honest

Psychoticbreak · 22/02/2024 10:31

Arsehole. Stop doing it and get him to take over if he is that worried.

Roseshavethorns · 22/02/2024 10:34

I think you are saying that you inadvertently used the wrong card when paying for your purchases on Amazon. That is so easy to do. Some of my family use my account and it happens to us every couple of months or so. I think Amazon "remembers" the last card used and automatically uses that card unless you go in and change it.
I wouldn't be upset and I wouldn't pay extra.
I am not sure what transaction details he is looking for. Is it the transactions that have been picked up as an error (which is a waste of time as he already knows about them) or is it the other correct transactions?
I think I would print out a list of all the orders made for your Mum and show him. Then at least he can see all you do for her and that it was a genuine mistake.

Original poster
Karend123 · 22/02/2024 11:11

I don't have POA, due to the distance, it was thought better that as he lives 20 minutes away he could deal with issues but mum and dad made me executor of their wills. Yes the background story is my brothers wife doesn't want to know the family due to an argument back many years ago. She doesn't and won't visit my mother. Mum cannot drive now, hence me doing the shopping. The initial argument was very silly but hurtful to my other brother who had just come out as gay and was trying to cope with the obvious consequences. He drank a bottle of wine and basically hit out verbally to my sister in law and brother. I received a horrible message from her after I tried to explain telling me had had abandoned my parents by moving away (husband in the army). She has caused row after row. I had to tell my mother as all this has got out of hand. I needed her to confirm that I had indeed had authorisation. Once I knew of the error I told her and she was fine , understood and not to worry. Now my brother has told her he is done with everything because she stood up for me, as did my other brother who has said he trusts me implicitly. For an error of £70 I am now not eating or sleeping and feel sick to my stomach, I feel I have been harrassed, insulted and made to feel like a criminal.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2024 11:15

Just tell your brother you will hand over all responsibility to him and thank him for his help. Tell him it will be a huge relief because it is such a lot of work.

Bowbobobo · 22/02/2024 11:17

In that case it sounds like your brother can't wait to get shot of his family responsibilities so is deliberately creating a fight. You and your other brother should just crack on.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong. The only person you are accountable to is your mother in this instance and she is fine with it. Ignore him.

Bowbobobo · 22/02/2024 11:17

endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2024 11:15

Just tell your brother you will hand over all responsibility to him and thank him for his help. Tell him it will be a huge relief because it is such a lot of work.

I don't see why OP should stop helping her mother just because her brother is a dick.

pokebowls · 22/02/2024 11:26

Suggest he do all the shopping and he can send all receipts and accounts to you to check over.

heldinadream · 22/02/2024 11:35

He's bullying you OP and he has no grounds whatsoever for claiming you've done anything wrong.
I'd be tempted to ignore him and concentrate on yourself and your relationships with your mum and other brother. He just sounds like he's on a power trip. Of course he can't take you to court. Please don't worry, he's all bluster.

endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2024 11:43

Bowbobobo · 22/02/2024 11:17

I don't see why OP should stop helping her mother just because her brother is a dick.

Show quote history

I expect he will back track very quickly.

LittleGreenDragons · 22/02/2024 12:02

It was an honest mistake, and other posters here admit it is easily done due to how Amazon handles orders.

Your mother trusts you.

Your other brother trusts you.

You mention a father briefly, so he trusts you.

The only one who doesn't is married to someone who hates your whole family 🤔

It's time you all stop letting him bully you, just because he lives twenty minutes away. Nowadays distance doesn't mean that much in sorting out financial things, and its doubtful he will help with physical things. Your mother needs to sort out POA immediately as he could create absolute hell for her if she ever becomes incapacitated.

MILTOBE · 22/02/2024 12:12

Spirallingdownwards · 22/02/2024 10:05

Tell him that you made one mistake with that order for the reason you have stated and that if he is unhappy with the set up then he is very welcome to take over doing all of mum's shopping for her instead.

Yes, this. My daughter shares my Amazon account and this happens between us quite often. It's easily done. If he wants to do better, he should feel free to do so.

And PA to a barrister - ffs tell her to get back in her box.

artfuldodgerjack · 22/02/2024 12:16

You being executor of the will doesn't mean that you can do anything financially until after the death of that person.
You need to get POA in place. If that's not possible then you need to apply to the courts for deputyship.

If you've explained that it was a genuine error and the money is given back then there shouldn't be an issue. If your brother is taking control of your mother's finances (and inspecting all of her outgoings) you may be able to report them to the local authority for financial abuse.

TraitorsGate · 22/02/2024 12:28

endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2024 11:15

Just tell your brother you will hand over all responsibility to him and thank him for his help. Tell him it will be a huge relief because it is such a lot of work.

This. Send just him the screenshot, pay just £70 and let him take over the shopping. Don't worry about it, has mum hot capacity to decide what she spends money on, tell her what's happened so she knows they are kicking up a fuss. My sister was like this, she had financial poa, mum had capacity, I bought her treats, food, clothes, I had to account for every last penny, it was so petty I just ended up putting it on my own card,

Thelnebriati · 22/02/2024 12:40

His attitude is why your mother wants you to manage her shopping, not him. Just repay the £70 and try not to worry about it. Its very easily done and there is a massive difference between this kind of mistake and actual theft.

blooblom · 22/02/2024 12:49

Also, why is he even looking over your parent's bank statements?

Bowbobobo · 22/02/2024 12:54

There’s a difference between having completed the forms appointing him as financial POA and actually taking control of bank accounts. Does your mother have control of her accounts still?

Mortimerat · 22/02/2024 12:59

I’m going to go against the grain. He discovered you had used your mother’s accounts to pay for your shopping and decided to take a deeper look to make sure it wasn’t more than that, because frankly these things do happen. I have Amazon and I can’t see how I could inadvertently pay for my purchases with somebody else’s card.