The Rules

[Illbefinejustbloodyfine]

Any good? I'm 20 yrs out of practice with dating. I genuinely don't know how to proceed. Been on my own a few years. Young DC. Difficult to find tge time etc

But I have managed to meet someone, but am so incredibly clueless. Completely accidental meeting through a shared interest.

Trying very hard not to get carried away, but finding myself waiting for a message to ping etc. I'm holding back, but finding it hard work.

Just wondering , is this book worth reading? Or any advice?

I read it a decade or two ago. Likely it’s been updated since. As I recall, mostly the aim is marriage.

Worth a read. Some common sense in it that might be seen as old fashioned but experience has shown me it’s often wise.

Example, don’t relocate to his town to move in with him. If he wants you he will move to be near you. That kind of thing. I have two friends who did this. Didn’t work out for either. Then the men were married to other people almost straight away.

Another example. Don’t chase men. You might get dates and sex but ultimately they will find someone else they want to work hard for.

Oh and just turn up to everything. There only needs to be one person there who’s right for you.

So it seems like it’s stuck with me as I’m remembering more as a type!! 🤣

It has apparently been updated, it does seem very old fashioned. It's a bit depressing tbh.

Save for a few exceptions, men generally like to do the chasing. They seem to get so easily put off by women who do all the running. So let them come to you!

The Rules aer quite good if you can easily be carried away, as you say - it's a bit like army discipline for dating 😂, quite hard to follow, but overall on the right track. You don't need to act cold towards a new man btw, make sure he knows you love his company yet let him initiate dates and most contact - that's hte essence of it.

The misery of waiting for the ping is nothing compared to the misery of pinging the man and them backing off.

Just remember that everyone is insecure. Everyone.

Osiris...Not necessarily I'm terrified of woman although I like them a lot. A simple test will tell if he's any good try to get him to put you ahead of his kids over something quite minor. If he does, then run a mile as he will trrun out tobe a selfish wanker. I have known lots of friends like that!

@RogueFemale that is a good point . Its all new territory for me, I had only just got my first mobile phone when I met my exH.

@CatAndHisKit I might give it a read then, it might be useful.

It's a good book which is essentially value yourself highly and don't do all the running. Also recommend He's Just Not That Into You for tough love on the dating scene.

@MsRosley I've downloaded it and am reading now . I'm a bit stuck on the "dress for men" part! Push up bra, like cut top, short skirts? High heels!

Yeah, some of it is annoying, and dated. But the basic messages are sound, I think.

I can remember reading it 20 years ago… I think it’s pretty awful. Why would you dress in push up bras and heels though if that’s not who you are ? I can’t understand why you would pretend to be someone you are not.
The main rule I can remember is something like “ don’t play hard to get be hard to get” and by that I believe they mean have a full life full of other things and don’t be sitting by the phone waiting for him to contact you. ( which I agree with ). Other stuff is very much in the game playing category for me.

The only rules I'd be interested in would be my own, which would all be about the things I'd want and those that would be a deal breaker.I'm a decent person who treats people appropriately, I have the personality I have and I look the way I look. If I were single, then I'd expect men to either take what I had to offer or walk on by. I wouldn't be wanting to faff about with games to make myself more attractive.

@5128gap I'm not interested in playing games. I'm a couple of decades out of "practice" with thus stuff, and have found myself feeling unusually...I don't know, hung up on the whole thing.

I'm not going to be going out with cleavage and legs on display, in heels!

I've seen this book mentioned on here a few times and wondered if it would help. I'm as yet undecided!

The main message of the book, as I recall, as PP mentioned, is to not make it too easy/be too available to men. And let's be honest, we all value things more when we've had to work hard for them.

When you're single, 'games' are almost inevitable in the initial stages of courtship (though might not happen with the right man). And it's regardless of how old you are. Age doesn't make much difference, you might as well be 20.

Any man who behaves like the bullshit in that book is not worth knowing. Be your authentic self and no less.

Honestly I think the rules are probably more relevant in the age of OLD. For example, if you message on a Tuesday to see if they want to meet up at the weekend, hear nothing, and then on Friday they’re like “ heeeeeeeey! Netflix and chill?? ” you need to be like “ hell no fuckboy” because obviously you’re the date of last resort. Nothing’s going to change that. So just block and move on.

Yes, the message to value yourself highly is a good one, regardless of anything else.

I remember reading it and laughing at his outdated some of it was

Theres common sense in there but much of it is game playing and acting like a simpering little women with no concept that feminism exists