Can I just ask your opinion on a past event?

[MrsSnape]

Last night I had a big row with the ex (I posted about him loads on here) and he more or less accused me of bringing up my son to be an asbo thug.

This stems from an incident that happened in Ibiza last year (incidently that holiday in which we broke up).

Basically my boys like to play fight, their dad would always play fight with them but ex would play fight "now and again" when he felt like it basically.

So we were in the car, on the way to taking the kids bowling in San Antonio, they're obviously excited and DS2 (6 at the time) said to ex "Can we have a rumble tonight??" (meaning play fight) so ex being the miserable twat that he was said "NO" so DS just laughed and said "yes? yippee, can't wait!" so ex got really angry and said "I said NO!" so again DS just giggled and said "yay can't wait for the rumble" and so ex blurted out "NO! I SAID NO! I MEANT NO! IF I SAY NO, IT MEANS NO! NO! NO! NO!" etc!!! at this point both the kids burst out laughing and even I had to restrain myself because it sounded so bloody funny hearing an adult arguing like that with a 6 year old so he turned the car back around, said we could do what we wanted but he was taking us back to the hotel and he was taking the car elsewhere.

Anyway, its all in the past now, we're no longer together but last night he roped me into an argument about it and said I should have stopped DS from being so cheeky and that it was all my fault and I let it get out of hand! it was him that kicked off like a 2 year old.

Anyway I'm just wondering what you thought, was I out of order not to tell DS off for what I saw as only having a laugh? if all men are as miserable and stroppy as this with kids then I want to be on my own until they're 18.

were you expecting him to co-parent you kids on other things?

am not really sure why the incident last year bothers you - does he still see the kids? From what I gather, and forgive me if I'm wrong, they're not his? do they have anything to do with their dad

am maybe missing the whole point of this sorry

to speak to a child that age like that is not on but if you're expecting him to act like a father figure and coparent with you then you should have maybe tried to calm the situation and not inflamed it further by laughing at him?

wouldn't bother wasting my time worrying about it now if I were you and he is obviously needing to catch a grip and move on if one incident that happened on a holiday last year is still bothering him

I'm sorry but I'd just laugh if some ex where still harping on about an incedent that happened a year ago!! Tell him it's time to let go and move on. You're not even with him anymore, what can possibly be achieved by rehashing the past in this way? Nutcase.

And no, you where not out of order either. He over-reacted.

why on earth would he be bringing this up now? Does he still have some tie to your family, or does he wantt o get back together with you?

How is your son now? Has he been misbehaving recently and is that why your EX is bringing this up?

Thanks for the replies. He's not connected with the kids at all but keeps making excuses to come down, or he'll buy an xbox game that he doesnt like and that gives him an excuse to give it to the kids.

He still cant get over the fact that we'll never get back together, he said this last night and more or less said I was cruel for ending it with him when he had little say in it. He acted like a prat the entire time though and still tries to turn it all on to me as if I was the problem.

He's the classic passive-aggressive, selective memory, twisting arguments, calm blame pushing....he makes me so cross. Last night he was questioning my parenting, he doesn't even have kids! what the hell would he know?

I'm just going to break off contact with him but it was bothering me a bit...this is what I mean, he's one of these people that actually has you questioning your own behaviour when you know you're not in the wrong.

well in that case you're just right ignore him and cut him off, unless he's built up a fantastic bond with the boyrs (which by the sounds of it he hasn't) I wouldn't waste any more time on the muppet

don't be letting him make you question yourself, its a pathetic attempt at a controlling method and he's not worth wasting the time worrying over

Cut him offMrsSnape, there is absolutely no reason why you need to still be in contact is there? Ignore his calls/texts, get rid of his number/email/facebook, whatever.

The last thing you need is for the past to be dragged up time and time again.

You could maybe have backed him up but the fact he is still going on about it all this time later means that he is being a 6 year old, imo.

You can't be drawn into a row if you don't want it. Just walk away.

Yes he is a bit weird for harping on about this, buuuuuttt, did you just sit there and watch this unfold?

Did you not offer your ex any advice on how to deal with a 6 year old that just would not listen (your ex is right in the fact that your son would not take a no for an answer and that is in my view something that every child needs to be taught. They have to respect other peoples' feelings as well and if somebody says no then they have to respect that).

From what you have written I do feel slightly sorry for your ex as he would probably have felt very cornered on that car journey with everybody laughing at how he felt.

Do agree with mm, I'm afraid. Obviously your children are your responsibility, but I absolutely hate it when my boys playfight. One of them broke an arm once doing this, If everyone laughed at me for hating play fighting, I would prob lose my temper too as I have a very valid reason for fearing it. Maybe he did too? It does sound like you ganged up on him a bit.