Am I overthinking?

[Honey6743]

So about 7 and half years ago I was 2 weeks into my relationship with him and he went on a work course. And he messaged a girl from the hotel he was staying at she worked there. I found out as I saw her name on his Snapchat ovbs was abit like wtf is this etc he said she’d gave him her Snapchat and they just spoke about general stuff etc, right I know it’s bizarre to keep worrying over something that happens so long ago but I cannot keep thinking well what if they slept together? What if something happened and I don’t know? I did message the girl too and she said he didn’t say anything to make her think he didn’t have a girlfriend. I’m just worried before we was official he slept with someone else but he was so honest about that and at this time he did tell me he didn’t know if he wanted a relationship no excuse to do what he did I’m not saying that. But I’m just worried. I know it was so long ago do I need to just forget ?

Basically yes you should forget about it assuming you have a trustworthy man and he's been loyal to you for 7 years.

You actually messaged this other woman? Fucking hell.

Yes I did. I know that’s mad

It’s insane. Theres no reason to suspect anything at all has happened

Yup, it really, really is. I genuinely think you need professional therapeutic help if you are this consumed with a total non-event from seven years ago.

Would you not find it bizarre your partner messaging a woman from the hotel he stayed at?

Just stop. He wasn't your partner then.

He was, we was together for 2 weeks

That's not a partner, love. That's not even a boyfriend. That's someone you're dating.

When does it become your boyfriend?

So this was 2 weeks into a relationship with him and wasn't official? Then yes, you need to let this go. Work on now and don't jeopardise it.

You say yourself you weren't even 'official', so even by your own standards, it was before any sort of commitment was made to a relationship.

7 years is a long time to still be thinking about this

No we was together 2 weeks when he did this we wasn’t official when he slept with someone else

Had you

A) known and dated each other for much longer than two weeks.. and it had actually been two weeks since you declared you were serious about each other and would expect commitment to the relationship?

Or

B) known each other for two weeks and were still getting to know each other?

If it's A) I can understand your pov a bit more (but still think you've left it far too long to start playing detective. There is nothing anyone can say now that will put this to bed in a 'proven beyond doubt' way so all you're doing is dragging you and your relationship into the gutter for nothing. If I was her and had got that message after 7 years I'd think it was ridiculous).

If it's B) you are really out of line for treating him like property and it's a massive red flag for him, that is completely unreasonable.

Unless there's some massive backstory here where you have had 7 years of being given reason to doubt his integrity (in which case you should reconsider the relationship) then you are really wasting your energies.

If you have no further reason since this day to doubt him then you need to let this go.

yeah A, and no I messaged her at the time of this 7 years ago I haven’t messaged her 7 years on sorry I shouldn’t been more pacific with saying. I know we was both young and maybe he did just make some mistakes but no other than someone kissing him on the lips on a night out and him walking away the first part of the relationship he hasn’t made me doubt anything else.

*specific

Alright 😂 that one

So does everyone think I should just move on and forget about this?

Yes.

I don’t understand? If you went to a hotel and knew someone who worked there, wouldn’t you contact them? I would and I’m married! I’d probably meet them at the bar for a drink if they had finished their shift.

He didn’t know her tho. He had never been to that hotel before, she just gave him her Snapchat and they started talking

It may not may not have been anything to raise an eyebrow forat the time, but I think your window of opportunity to have it out with him and decide for yourself whether it's a show stopper for your relationship is well and truly closed. All you're doing now is gnawing at an old bone with nothing to gain except friction.
You've missed the boat, so drop it.

May or may not, that should say.

2 weeks into dating he wasn't a partner. You need to let this go! It's madness

If you've been stressing over this for 7 years, would you consider therapy? Its making you unhappy, you don't have to live like this, and there's a risk you'll let it destroy your relationship.