Bear with me with as it's a bit long
Married to my wife nearly 25 years 2 kids 16/18
My wife has been threatening to end our marriage for years now as apparently I'm a shit husband and father. She did so again week before last and something snapped inside so I surved her wth petition for divorce last week although I really fucked up the timing due to in experience of divorce and being more than a little crap.
Basically I have come to the conclusion that she emotionally abuses me. Also Apparently I'm what's called nd which I think has bearing on thi... Also Did has same traits which is what makes her so fab! Nd.... It's new to me but I sometimes struggle to see how people treat me and use to not be unable to see how others saw me. This now all makes a lot of sense as growing up I had no friends.... however after a bit of therapy and being told I'm shit and having been told all my faults in excruciating detail for 30 years repeated ly I'm now quite self aware.
Back to storytime
Last year we had marriage counselling and started off v badly with me being portrayed as total bastard. However by the end of it the lady had to more or less tell her that she has little self awareness and maybe I had a point. At that point apparently the marriage guidance wasn't working and also with the cost due to my business failure we had to stop... which was a shame!.
Going back a few years to COVID we had to take in my brother in law due to an abusive alcoholic cc wife and in law's. This turned into I nightmare that apparently most of the professionals involved had not ever come across. Vwe took huge personal risks taking him and kids in and getting back kids from abusive grandparents. Yes you heard that right and they are judges words re grandparents and in order to save them from foster care I was forced to build an extension on our house (apparently social services didn't like the thought they may have to share bedrooms WTF!! And don't get me started on carcass) so they could come and live with us which took me 16 hour days for a year without a single day off... literally everyday after work. All my weekends no holiday nothing,!. This helped destroy my business as at same time my business partner had a nervous breakdown. You vare probably getting the picture.. I too have suffered with my mental health but when I reached out to her I was told I'm your wife not your therapist sort yourself out I'm your wife not your doctor ... However this bloody house I built is now the stick she metaphorically beats me with.
Moving onto to marriage counselling...
During recent marriage counselling the 2 big issues were my work. 12 hour days six or seven days a week ( however v well paid..many multiples of what I now earn)and drinking...Upton a bottle a night. I told marriage councillor at last meeting that I had wound up my company and stopped drinking.. she suggested that's great you can move on. I suggested not so as she would just move onto new failings that I have. And low and behold she's just moved onto the next set of things to berate me over. Incidentally at counselling I pointed out to her she drank as much or more than me. Her mouth was like a goldfish. She just didn't know what to say. But I can't say things to her face as I'm a bit scared of her....and I'm no shrinking violet! I needed someone there???
To top all off a few weeks ago the doctors thought I had signs of cancer. I was desperate not to let her find out why I was so keen to see a doctor as I knew what would happen. She found out and went right off the deep end. How could I leave her in this mess with everything to sort out. She later apologised but I knew that would be her reaction .. when I got all clear from some of tests she was nice for 24 hours then bam she was back to tearing me another arsehole.
I want to do the best for my kids but I can't stay in the same house as her for another 2 years till DD finishes school.
She does have many great attributes. She can be funny loving caring....but there's all the above and I can't ignore it anymore but I still love her.
To add to it all I have dyslexia and big hands which are frozen after spending 3 hours under her car fixing it having come straight off night shift and not can't feel fingers..and small phone so sorry for the above spelling etc
Someone please help me...