Hello, thanks for clicking on this thread. It's a bit of a long one so im going to try and keep it as short as possible.
My siblings 4 brothers)and I grew up in a very toxic household, lots of arguments, physical fights and most of all lots of emotional abuse. My mum didn't leave my dad until 4 years ago because he was an ahole basically, she tried to leave him multiple times when we were kids but he would tell us as young children that he would kill himself.
Anyway very questionable childhood for me and my siblings
- I remember being a rebellious teenager answering back my mum asked for a break from me and asked my dad to take me out for a drive to have a talk about my behaviour. I remember getting in the car with just my dad and being petrified and I should've been. He would drive at 70mph on 20mph roads swerving into trees, lampposts and buses saying that he would kill us both if I didn't behave.
-my brother has epilepsy(17 now) when we were playing as kids I was running with him on my back and we fell over and he banged his head and had his first real and longest seizure ever. My dad told me that I was the reason he was like this and that if anything happened to him he'd kill me. A lot later in life I asked my mum about this and she said they both knew he had seizures and he had been having silent seizures for years before this(epilepsy runs in the family).
-my mum took my brothers on a holiday leaving me alone with my dad for 2 weeks. I'm not quite sure what was happening I think I was playing up as a teenager, but my dad was being horrible and said that I was the reason the family was a mess etc and actually yes actually pretended to have a heart attack. Obviously me being 12 not knowing the difference called the ambulance who basically said he's absolutely fine. The reason he was having a heart attack was because of me
surprise surprise!
Anyway fast forward on to 4 years ago my mum finally gets the balls to leave my dad, well sorta. He moved out of the family home but was still controlling my mum and being an ahole. My mum said multiple times that she didn't want to be with him etc, he didn't seem to get the msg.
My mum eventually met someone new about 1 year ago and when my dad found out he went absolutely ape shit. He would call my mum constantly, I think I have some of the messages saved on my phone actually I'll paste them down below. Anyway so he found out started calling, texting, harassing me and my brothers (youngest 14) saying that we are no kids of his, we are scum, and that he would kill us. Eventually after weeks of abuse we all block him - he couldn't get through to anyone so what does he do? PRETENDS HE HAS CANCER
(the reason this is important is because 1) it's fucked up. 2) because my mums brother died 3 years before of cancer at only 38 and we were and are still traumatised by it still today. )
Anyway so he eventually gets through to me saying he needs to have an important chat, I said okay call me .. he says and I quote...
'you're not gonna like this kid. I have cancer, the doctors need to do some more tests but it's definitely cancer'
Long story short says all of this shit and even prints/makes fake letters from GPS and hospital appointments with all of this. I find out after looking at these properly, call him out on it and he wasn't a happy chappy let me tell you that. It was a lot for me because I had just stated treatment for my postnatal depression and was suffering with mild psychosis before this(fully recovered now - still have bad days with depression but a big big improvement).
Oh by the way I'm Leah and I live on my own with my 3 children (8.2 and 4 month old). I actually wrote this before in a lot more detail and my phone died so I'm a bit all over the place🙄
Anywho called him out on his fucked up bullshit, and said that he was sick for making this stuff up and he turned round and said ' the only one who's sick is you - why don't you go and talk to the demons in your kitchen you freak'. Wow that hit hard. When I was ill I thought there was ghosts in my kitchen who were going to come and kill my children, scary I know. Anyway cut all ties with him after this and what does he do harasses everyone saying he's going to kill himself over and over again, multiple calls to 999 and he's been sitting there absolutely fine, happy as Larry. Anyway block him block block until I get a voicemail from the paramedics saying he had cardiac arrest and was in a coma. I then noticed I had voicemails from him on an unknown number screaming for help saying you think I won't do it etc etc.
I ignored stuff like this because he'd do this when we were kids and for weeks before he kept saying the same thing and if I didn't respond he would say
'How can you live with yourself knowing you wanted me dead'
Anyway he's in a coma, might live or die very traumatic yet again.
Anywho stop talking to him until one day he turns up at my home months later saying he's changed and wants to make an effort with my children. It was sketchy and weird and I wasn't comfortable at all but I have trouble saying no to people and he started crying so I let him him and everything actually went okay, yes he went on about the coma and how my mums a horrible person etc he's a narcissistic man but he wasn't being absolutely awful so I just went with the flow.
Anyway fast forward til now he's still bothering me, today he called and said he's having a breakdown and that he hears voices and that there's man Following him constantly telling him he's worthless and stuff. Apparently there's also 2 children playing with a ball in the corner of his living room. I know what you're thinking concerning right? WRONG.
The reason I'm skeptical is because he's literally said before that he said he hears voices to the mental health team so they could help him with housing. Fucked up right? Welcome to my life😆
I don't want to be a punching bag anymore but for some reason I find it hard and always end up feeling guilty and like if anything happens it's my fault.
He's a horrible man and done some really horrible things and I just don't know how to go about it.
He's asked my to come and visit him with the kids on Saturday but I just don't want to go. He pretends he's interested in the kids for 5 minutes but then just starts moaning about my mum, etc etc.
bare in mind this is the man I lived with and called my dad but I literally cannot remember a time when I came home from school and he said hi. Not once.
He's been such a fucking arsehole since ive been alive, but hes even worse now.
When my brother (17) said that my mum had a nice holiday with her new bf he went ballistic and told my brother that he was scum and he hoped he have a seizure and die. ????
This is all because my mum left him and has a new partner? Nothing is about us and never has been. He never bothered doing anything with us as children ever. My dad's never taken me to the park even though he's fully able? He wouldn't even ask us how our day was or anything, just silence.
Things to mention that may be relevant may not:
- he didn't attend his dads funeral and wasn't even remotely upset when his dad died even though they had a good relationship.
- he's never been able to hold down a job ever! He would get a job work for 3 days and then make up some shitty excuse and not work for another year and so on and so on.
- he sent a picture of a gun(turns out it was a BB gun after going to the police) and said he would kill my mum, her boyfriend and all us kids if my mum didn't leave him. Traumatic? YES.
I don't even know if this thread makes any sense because I'm writing it at 3 in the morning because I just want to get it done so apologies.
Also ignore my sarcastic behaviour it's the way I deal with things if I don't laugh I'll cry.
I'm sure there's quite a few things ive left out but I'd be here forever if I had to write them all.
How do I deal with him?
My brothers don't want anything to do with him anymore so the pressures all on me to deal with him and I feel horrible because he makes me feel so guilty when he says he's lonely and depressed and he feels like he's going to khs. I feel like he uses this on me because he knows I was in a really bad place and can relate to those things so he pulls at my heart strings it's just not fair.
How do I deal with this?
Any questions or advice is so so so appreciated! Thanks for reading my long ass post❤️
to mention
- yes we went to the police.
- there is a restraining order in place for my mum but he just doesn't care.
- I will always keep my children safe and if he does come around I am with them 24/7. He doesn't visit often he just calls me a lot and texts me a lot.
I just feel like after everything ive been through recently it's not fair. I'm trying not to put so much pressure on myself after having a baby after having pnd but he just doesn't seem to get that?
I've said before that he's making me ill but he said that I'm being selfish.
Anyway I could go on and on
Thanks again😁