How do I find out

[helpmepleaase]

Okay so this might sound crazy.
But have you ever had that feeling that something is wrong? And just have that gut feeling? This is me currently.
I have been with my husband for 7 years.
We have one DS who is 3.
However, recently I have this awful feeling in my gut that something is wrong.
I can't explain it, I'm sure I sound crazy.
I can't escape this feeling.
I have never had reason to look at his phone or anything like that, and I can't pinpoint what exactly I'm trying to say.
I have spoken to him and he gave me his phone and said he was upset that I would ever think he's doing anything that he shouldn't be. I didn't end up going through his phone, I know it sounds contradictory I do want to trust him.
But my question is, he's very very good with technology so surely anything I look at in his phone he would have hidden it well anyway?

I know that once the trust is gone it's gone. So should I look at his phone and is there anyone that knows where to look on a Samsung where things might be hidden? I need to Look at our relationship and my issues regardless unless I'm trusting my gut and I'm right. I just don't know please help!! I have no one to speak to in real life so please please be kind

Can you pinpoint when this feeling started?

Within the last few weeks, I can't explain it any other way honestly I wish I knew. There's just been odd moments. Which I know doesn't help.
He is usually very quick to exit anything on his phone, our sex life has taken a nose dive over the last few weeks as well I just don't know.

I had this feeling. Honestly thought I was going mad.

I wasn't. He was cheating on me.

I hope you get some answers

This is what scares me.
If you don't mind me asking, how did you find out?

Has something happened that’s triggered this feeling of unease? Is he talking more about someone at work? Is he acting differently?

I had the same feeling, with a few more little concrete pieces like location services turned off, a morning FaceTime from our son not answered til he was out of the hotel room, hiding a notification on his phone etc..

I only found out when someone messaged me screenshots. He'd offered me his phone several times but I knew there was no point in looking, it would all be hidden. They used Skype and he deleted the full chat every time.

The problem is that now he’s alerted to your suspicions he’s going to be extra vigilant.

Tbh I think sometimes we can detect chemical changes/smell changes in our partners when they occur (apparently women have even been able to smell cancer on their partners in cases). Eg: when there's another woman on the scene. Our body recognises it. It can tell something is off.

A lot of human communication is also non verbal. So we're picking up ques from people without even consciously realising we are.

We know what's going on even though there's nothing distinctly catching our eye as being weird.

The drop in sex too...

Somethings up.

My issue now is how do I do anything about it without proof? I have nothing concrete to go on. I just know something is up.
I think the previous poster is right about our body just knowing. I don't know what it is exactly but something isn't making sense

He wasn't adept at hiding stuff so I found the messages when curiosity got the better of me and I eventually went looking.

But honestly I already knew in my gut.

Well I suppose you don't really need to prove it op.

If a relationship feels "off" then it's changed. It doesn't really matter why. The fact is, you don't feel comfortable or like its a safe space anymore.

I get maybe you want proof to validate your feelings. But you don't have to prove he is cheating to leave.

You can leave because you aren't happy anymore.

Alternatively, if you really want to SEE proof for yourself...you're going to have to pretend you're over it ('must have been that new coffee I'm drinking making me feel on edge' or something) and then keep watch/snoop.

But realistically...I mean it's not like you can have sex with someone you no longer trust. Well..you could... but you shouldn't. So that only really gives you a short window to find out if he's cheating...before you'd have to compromise yourself.

That's why ppl say once the trust is gone it's gone. And it's best to call it a day.

I found out when he was in the shower and went on his phone one morning. Defo was not a good start to the day Xx

Unfortunately, back in October I had the exact same gut feeling for weeks, I was asking him every single day is there someone else he reassured me I'm crazy and he loves me so much. One night I decided to go through his phone and WOW. Baring in mind he let me go through his phone all of the time. But when he was sleeping I went deep and could not believe my eyes. He was texting other girls in ways he shouldn't off. He didn't physically cheat but I 100% believe this is how physical cheating starts, with texting. I dread to think how far would he of went if I didn't find out. I hope this isn't the case for you OP :(

I'm in EXACTLY the same situation right now. Been together 12 years. I just feel like something isn't right. I've felt like it for a little while. My husband is very much the same in that if there was anything I know he would hide it/delete it. He's offered me his phone several times but i know I won't find anything. It's driving me mad because I don't know if it's in my head or not.

One thing I did do though was a credit check. I found out he had got us into debt. Not a lot but enough for me to be upset about. I was actually relieved that he wasn't cheating and maybe that's what I was picking up on.

I've been feeling this way for a few months now and still don't know what to think. Maybe it was just the debt he was hiding. Who knows.

Doesn't mean he's cheating. Could be a health concern either physical or mental so keep that in mind. Has he the opportunity to cheat? I thought my ex was cheating. He wasn't but I had lost my trust in him as he had lied about loads of things.

You feel something is ‘off’ and therefore your husband must be having an affair even though you have no evidence. And most of the people chiming in have similar stories, even suggesting a change in smell can be a sign of an affair. I’m finding the whole thing difficult to believe.

But having said that, maybe enrol in a computer science degree at a local uni and that way you’ll be able to check his phone for evidence and then have a good job in tech at the end of it all. Win win.

Trust your intuition.

Trouble is most women feel vulnerable when they are pregnant or have young children. You have changed and your partner is no longer your priority. Tread carefully. Would you like to be accused and have to surrender your phone for regular inspections? Even if he is cheating you can get over it as a couple. I did. Could be other reasons such as watching pornography, secret purchases, debt etc. He is the father of your children so be aware of how this situation could affect them.

Yep
I knew when things shifted but couldn't put finger on it.
Found out he was excessively using porn and escort. Got rid after 25 year

You can find out his search history on chrome, even if he has deleted his history in the browser.

If he is logged onto Google, you can see his initial in the top right corner. If you click on this, you will see 'manage google account'. Click on 'manage your data and privacy'. Then 'Web and app history'.

Everything will be displayed there. Even things he think he has deleted.

This is how I found out my ex was searching up hook up sites and escorts. In fact, I find out this hack from Mumsnet. You can see if he is looking up hotels, or if he has downloaded Tinder, ordered flowers etc.