Hello,
I really just need a handhold tonight as I write this feeling quite sad but holding back the tears until my DD is asleep.
I've been with my husband for ten years and whilst he hasn't changed that much, I've changed and begun to realise why he is like he is.
He has a very horrific mother who has treated him and his siblings badly. She would email them and tell them they are disappointments etc. she isn't nice. Unfortunately, I've realised he is the way he is because of her. He cannot take responsibility for anything and if asked a simple question he will automatically assume he is being criticized and become defensive and quite nasty. Probably linked to this he will also never apologise (because that means accepting responsibility). He swears really badly around the children, especially in the car to the extent that my daughter worries if he is giving a lift to one of her friends. Recently he's been taking to refusing asking questions. She asked him what he was up to yesterday afternoon when her sibling was at a play date and he told her "you have no right to ask me that!"
Living with him is hard. He doesn't clean for example unless asked directly even though I work 60hrs a week and he works 30hrs. The other day I asked him to clean the hall- hoover and wipe down the skirting and window sill. He did such a crap job that I still don't know if he did it like that on purpose. But he always makes it so he's the victim Eg don't do anything so is asked translated to being nagged. Do it but do it badly so it has to be done again by someone else.
Im so on edge around him because one minute he is passive aggressive and answering questions with "I can't remember" or "I don't know" but this evening he flew off the rage in a narcassisitc manner saying I am turning our daughter against him. He was screaming about how much money I needed to give him to get him to leave etc. Ive never said I want him to leave. Whilst screaming at me, she was curled up on a chair crying. How can he not see the irony of this. I've managed to perk her up and get her emotional regulated again but it's so upsetting that he can't see how unwell he is.
I will probably have a proper cry later but somehow needed to get it all down.