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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Upsetting text exchange with ex

6 replies

Taleas0ldastime · 20/02/2024 19:10

So i got dumped at Christmas after a relatively short relationship. Relationship was good as far as i was aware, no arguments, had met each others families etc. Dumping came very much out of the blue and is partly due to health concerns that ex has. Anyway, I went NC after a couple of weeks because i needed some space.
Today I had to contact her to ask for something back (a particular piece of uni work that I had completed). She had the original work, there was a lot of sentiment attached to it for various reasons so I really wanted it. I kept the message brief and asked her to post it into my house if she was passing, she lives locally so would be passing at times.

She replied saying she would drop it in later this afternoon as she would be in town. We then messaged a couple of times about the weather. Literally just that. The weather. The exchange has actually really upset me. How do you go from sharing your life with someone, being involved with each others families, sleeping together and planning a future together to, within a few weeks, talking about it being sunny. I'm so hurt at how easy she seems to have found it to just move on and forget everything we had.

OP posts:
something2say · 20/02/2024 19:21

You dont know that for sure tho do you. You are hurting yourself with that thinking.

Love is a risk. You might hurt someone, they might hurt you. Take some time out and watch your thinking. Distraction is your friend, and being your best self. You'll be alright in time x

PieAndLattes · 20/02/2024 19:41

Short relationship. Broke up nearly 2 months ago. No big deal. It meant a lot to you - not so much to her. She broke with you because she didn’t want to be with you anymore. It’s over. Time to move on.

Letsbepractical · 20/02/2024 20:12

OP - I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling, it sounds that you were more invested emotionally in this relationship than your ex was. Breaking up might have come as a surprise to you but she must have planned it, meaning that she was detaching herself emotionally much earlier. Therefore, a breezy conversation about the weather seemed absolutely fine to her.
I remember my ex, on the day he broke up with me, asking me cheerfully why I don’t want to stay in touch as friends, since we had been through so much together and ‘get’ each other so well. I realised then that he had already moved on.

BigFluffyHoodie · 20/02/2024 20:14

You just do. I imagine that you are in your twenties? Break ups suck. But you move on, having a bit more experience now.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 20/02/2024 21:30

Because it was "a relatively short relationship "?

SaveMeTheLabelOfThatPerfumeOnTheTable · 21/02/2024 07:22

Actually, your ex was doing the right thing.

You're not together anymore. A polite exchange is all you should be aiming for if you're only in contact to get something back from them.

Your ex is putting boundaries in place for herself and would it really have been better to have had the sort of conversation you'd have had when you were seeing her? That would have just had you questioning why she ended it when it felt like it always did.

You made the contact; she was agreeable and friendly; a fleeting relationship is over.

We're you hoping for more form the exchange? To learn that she missed you? Regreted it? You must see that wouldn't have been helpful. Her circumstances haven't changed.

It is time to move on.

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