Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL taking my divorce badly - how do I manage it?

5 replies

Pinksparkles84 · 20/02/2024 19:03

My STBXH and I are separating. We have a 7 year old DS. I instigated the separation because X had been emotionally abusive and controlling. I am due to move out in a week and am instructing a solicitor as we haven’t agreed on childcare arrangements. STBXH is a narcissist. We are currently living in the same house (but separately) for the next few weeks. We have been spending time away from the house to give each other space.

My MIL saw DS teacher after we had told her about the split and started crying in front of the teacher when collecting DS from school.

MIL picked up DS from school today and the teacher told her that DS had an incident at school with another child. I was WFH today and saw MIL this afternoon and spoke to her for about an hour when I finished school. STBXH got home and helped his mum into the car. When he came back in STBXH told me that his mum had said DS had an incident at school today. I was shocked as she hadn’t mentioned anything to me and he said she needs to tell me these things. I am shocked that she didn’t say anything.

we did speak a bit about the split and I could see that she looked upset. I previously got back with STBXH because she got so upset before. She doesn’t have any idea of the things that her son has put me through, so I am finding it difficult. How should I manage this?

OP posts:
millymoo1202 · 20/02/2024 19:41

Tell her what he’s like and if she can’t control her emotions around your child she won’t be picking him up. This isn’t about her, good luck to you

cantyoucee · 20/02/2024 23:02

No advice, but his mum sounds just as narcissistic as he is. Crying at the school? missing out information accidentally on purpose?! I wouldn't trust either of them to be honest. Wishing you all the best for your future x

Pinksparkles84 · 21/02/2024 20:34

yes I agree that she’s a narcissist. I spoke to her about it today and she said she didn’t want to upset DS again by discussing in front of him. Funnily enough when STBXH spoke to MIL he came in and discussed it in front of DS and DS was fine about it. In the past she would have said straight away, even if DS was in the room, or she would have had a quiet word with me in another room. I don’t really buy her excuses really! She’s been telling everyone who will listen how difficult the separation is for her and how it’s affecting her. She says she is worried about DS (which I totally get and I have tried to placate her by saying that I’ve been speaking to DS and trying to support him where I can).

OP posts:
dudsville · 21/02/2024 20:48

I don't have any advice but I've been there with IL's who struggled with my decision to divorce their son. Never in adulthood had I experienced such unveiled hate. 20 years on and I still shudder at the thought of bumping in to them. You'll all remain family because of your child, it's a tough thing to navigate.

aitchteeaitch · 21/02/2024 20:50

She's been telling everyone who will listen how difficult the separation is for her and how it's affecting her

Oh dear me. Most normal grandparents would be saying how difficult the separation is going to be for their grandchildren, and how it is going to affect them. They'd probably keep their own feelings to themselves, at least for a while.

Sorry you've got a bit of a narc for a MIL, OP.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page