Relationship Struggles

[Worriedmale]

Really struggling with my relationship. We have a 18 month and a 3 year old and my partner just doesn't seem to care or be interested in me at all.

We also don't have sex she just says she isn't bothered by it. I said do you want to feel better about it in the future she says I'm just not bothered.

I feel really rejected, unloved and uncared for and it's making me question everything about our relationship. Just feel like she doesn't care at all if I was here or not.

So you feel rejected and unloved just because you don't get sex? Would that be the case if your partner was ill or injured and physically couldn't offer it?

Do you do your fair share around the house and with the kids? Does she get time to herself? Do you make the effort to spend time with her WITHOUT pressuring her for sex?

Because I'm saying this for women everywhere, there is nothing more likely to slam our legs closed than a whinging sex pest 🤷‍♀️

You have 2 young children which is physically and emotionally exhausting.
How involved are you not just with night feeds, baths , feeding , diary planning , but the day to day housework ?
If your wife is taking on an unfair load it’s no wonder she’s exhausted

You haven’t included any information about how much parenting you do, or how much household labour your girlfriend has to do. Your kids are at very intense ages, what are you doing specifically to make your girlfriend/wife feel cherished, supported and attractive?

Have none of your other threads about your sex life helped at all?

She probably doesnt if thats the impression you are getting. More important to figure out why, and if there is something you can do about it.

Agree with the above. How much are you doing around the house and with the kids?

The more you pester, the more she will back away. I’d start by helping out more, making an effort in ways that doesn’t involve sex and trying to be intimate in other ways… have a cuddle on the sofa, arrange a night off.

I’m a mum of 2, I don’t live with my partner, also exhausted and also not bothered about sex. But I still love my partner, I’d just prefer to cuddle most the time!

Story as old as time, two young kids under 3 (hiw much sex would YOU want if you'd shot two babies out your bellend in 3 years?). She's likely knackered from doing all the household shit and kid stuff and chances are the partner not doing his share.

He equates sex to love but maybe isn't putting the work in by showing her love how SHE needs it.

When was the last time you told her she was amazing? Did your share in the home? Had a date night just you and her? Ran her a bath or gave her a backrub, just because you love her and not expecting sex out of it.

If she's knackered she won't want sex.

You also probably have to focus on non piv sex if any, for a while. Helping her feel that her body is hers and for her and her pleasure again after birthing and breastfeeding two kids.

Think about that for a bit, feeling like your own body is no longer yours! Also perhaps dealing with birth injuries. And just wanting to get that autonomy back. And you can't, because your partner is pestering you for sex. And you don't want to do that yet because you're traumatised and just trying to get yourself back for yourself.

Focus on her and her needs as a woman not just a mother. That might be giving her some space as she is touched out by grabby babies all day. And focusing on pleasing her when and if she does want sex.