Boomerang Man

[Midlifecrisisat38]

I had a brief spell of OLD last year and met this man twice. He's nice enough, has a good job and own house but I wasn't instantly attracted to him and he wanted an instant spark.

He's 10 years older and decided that we'd be better off as friends. I didn't think he'd want to see me again but we kept in touch casually via whattsapp. Hate that app.

Last year turned out to be one of the worst years of my life which I've started other threads about, so I forgot all about him. I thought he was a bit shallow and superficial considering at 48 he wanted an' instant spark.' I've not had one of those since I was 20! It takes me a while to fancy someone because I have to get to know them first.

Anyway, last week he sent me a Valentine's gif and I ended up meeting him on Saturday night again. He said we'd have a catch up and I agreed to this. The word 'date' wasn't mentioned. But it soon became clear that's what he wanted. He was asking all sorts of questions, like am I single and am I looking for a relationship, kids marriage etc. I knows I was pregnant last year but doesn't know anymore detail than that. I said I'd had a miscarriage and left it at that.

To be honest, he came off as very desperate and it gave me the ick really. He doesn't have kids at the moment and he said he was lonely. He was trying too hard and it made me want to back off again.

I'm just baffled at the complete turnaround of him. Only meeting me twice last year, saying he just wanted to be friends and now after 9 months or so have passed he wants a relationship, get married and have kids.

I think he's done the rounds of online dating, found out that the grass ain't greener and come back to me. I got the impression that he was seeing other women at the time he was seeing me last year, but he denied this and I can't prove it.

He still seems very superficial and fake.

Just curious to know what other people think and whether I'm justified having reservations and seeing big red flags etc. I think if he was serious about anything long term with anyone he wouldn't go about it in this way.

Yes, he sounds like a bad egg to me

Yep more red flags than a Moscow May Day parade

Id be blocking and steering well clear

I'm curious as to why you feel like you need to have your feelings justified.
Why do you not think your own gut feeling isn't enough?
Why do you feel you have to rationalise your feeling?
Do you feel like you need a reason not to like him?
Why do you need validation from a group of online strangers?

I'm not trying to be rude. I'm actually just trying to point out that you have every right to have the ick from anyone, for whatever reason, and no one can tell you that it's not justified.
You were obviously put off by his behaviour and that's the end of it. Even if you couldn't justify it, or put your finger on it. Your feelings are valid and don't need anyone's approval.

I'm just curious as to what other people think of his behaviour and whether their thoughts match up to my own.

For me, it doesn't make sense why his attitude has changed so much towards me since last year. I know my thoughts and feelings are valid, I'm just curious what other people think 😊

You’re his back up option and you’re right to steer clear of him!

If I met someone on a dating site I didn't feel a connection to and they asked to remain friends I'd probably not bother, even if they were a nice enough person. The whole point of a dating site is to find someone you want to date and either progress to a relationship or agree a FWB type thing.

I'd assume he was feeling a bit unloved and neglected and lonely. I'd also feel it wasn't my place to plug that gap if friendship wasn't what I was looking for.

No harm being friends with him but if you don't fancy him, don't string him along with false hope.

What pps said and what your intuition says.

He's done the rounds (desperately thrown himself at women he thinks are hot/younger women and they've let him buy them dinner and strung him along as a "friend", then rejected him).

And now he's looking for his "back-up option" as he needs a nurse with a purse and doesn't want to be "reduced" to dating women his own age.

He's hitting 50 soon and really wants a younger woman. Yuck yuck yuck.

Even if you went along with his plans, he'd always give you the impression he wanted something better (20-somethings!) and if you didn't do exactly what he said he'd come back to "I settled for you".

Also, think about the risks associated with having an older father....its all about him, isn't it?

I assume by "friends" he hasn't been doing physical acts of service or offering to support you socially during your hellish year? It's all about his superficial needs.

He's just sent a few WhatsApp messages and now has "summoned" you to a meet.

I'd just tell him I was really busy and block/grey rock him, or I'd be concerned he was going to continue targeting me and filling my head with nonsense (and I might agree at a vulnerable moment).