I left despite the fact he verbally ended it, so I guess that kinda makes me the dumper given that he had no intention of leaving our house and probably didn't expect me to.
Honestly, this whole no contact thing isn't an "agreement" you put on someone else, it's a boundary you choose for yourself and enforce. So you don't say "I want to go NC for 30 days please respect me" - you choose to go NC and then enforce it by blocking them and not responding to any attempted communication.
It's not to be cruel or anything, it's to allow you to heal. You will never heal if you are leaving the door ajar like that. Stop doing that please. Put some actual lines in the sand and that means don't ask them, just put blocks in place without telling them.
The gym membership imho needs to go. Get rid of it. You cannot be having joint gym memberships if you have broken up for goodness sake. C'mon. Find a new gym to go to where you dont' worry about seeing him.
The whole "let's be friends thing" - forget it please. You can't be doing that at this stage of a breakup. Maybe in a few years when you don't have feelings, but not right now. You can't keep the door half open and no, you cannot be friends and heal. You can potentially be friends after you've healed but not before.
You need to take a bit more responsibility for holding your boundaries on this, it all sounds quite immature to be honest. If you decide to break up with them, break up with them and don't contact them or allow any contact from them.
I know it hurts and everything, but it'll prolong the pain if you stay in touch or leave doors open, it will pull the wound open again and again and give you false hope that something could magically change and because you're in pain you'll run back to them only to be disappointed again. Please don't do that.
The hardest bit is that it hurts, but it's supposed to because you've just broken up with someone who was a key person in your life, you saw them all the time probably, spoke to them possibly daily, maybe lived with them, had plans and a future discussed with them. It sucks. However, that is precisely WHY no contact is best and not putting that in their hands is best.
No contact is actually a form of self care.
Changing gym for your own good is a form of self care.
Cutting off any joint bills or anything connecting you is a form of self care.
Feeling like shit and accepting it is a form of self care (yes really, acknowledging your emotions is self care).
Journalling is another one
Writing down all the reasons you left - another one
Thinking about what you'd like to do next in your life is a good one - what did you always want to do but never did.
Having some small goals like committing to the gym 3 times a week or trying a new class.
Watching what you want on the TV
Reading trashy books
Taking up hobbies or courses that interest you, and only you.
Taking yourself out for the day.
I could go on. It's a bit of a journey really. It doesn't all feel great just because it's called self care, it isn't about just having bubble baths and buying nice stuff for yourself. Sometimes it literally is crying it out and writing him letters you'll never send. Sometimes it's getting some counselling or doing things you don't want to do like socialising with friends you haven't seen for ages, going to parties or events alone etc.
Healing from a breakup isn't fun, social media makes it some sort of glamourised version of finding yourself and it can be, but mostly it's a mess and feels awful. But then one day... you wake up and you feel better.
It's taken me 9 months so far, I still feel bloody sad sometimes. But far better than I did on day 1. Day 3 is SO early, you're bound to be going through the thick of it right now, don't be hard on yourself (that is also self care, not being a bitch to yourself).
I finished some art that I could never be bothered with because my relationship took centre stage.
I bought some new clothes
I'm going to Amsterdam with my sister in a couple of weeks
I go out with friends for the day
Have nice wine and dinner with friends
Occasionally date but realise I really cba right now.
I tidy up because it makes me feel great, today i I did a ton of laundry and i feel very "sorted".
I sit in bed watching whatever I want whilst drinking herbal tea.
I eat chocolate buttons in bed (probably more than I should, I should stop because it's not self care if you do it all the time).
I have thrown myself into work stuff because that serves me and my future.
I swapped cars to one I like better
My ex can't contact me. He's blocked on everything. Literally EVERYTHING. I disappeared from the face of the Earth. It was a bad breakup in my case, but even if it's not, you broke up and there was obviously a reason for it.
Hope this helps a bit.