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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

WWYD? Early dating advice!

6 replies

marshmellow71 · 20/02/2024 12:50

Sorry for the vague title, I wasn't sure what to put 🙈
I started talking to somebody on Tinder about a month ago. To begin with, he was really chatty and friendly. He would always reply very quickly and after about a week of chatting he asked to meet up. He seemed really enthusiastic, but in a genuine and nice way.

So basically we met up and had lunch. The day ended by him saying he'd love to meet up again and asked me to get in touch if I felt comfortable. He message later and asked again and we arranged to meet up the following week. This is when things got a little bit weird. So we were chatting on WhatsApp, But for some reason my messages weren't sending to his phone.

I know this is probably when you're all going to start eye rolling 🙈, ha ha. But basically he would message me as before, but when I reply to his message it wasn't sending. So I wouldn't hear from him for a day or so and then he would message and try and start a new conversation. Anyway, the date of our date came and went and I thought I just been ghosted to be honest and decided to leave it at that. But then I started putting two and two together and I thought there was an issue with my messages, so I messaged him on the original dating app. He messaged me back and said that he hadn't received my messages and he thought that I was ghosting him. He told me he's really happy that I've got in touch and we tried to arrange another date. Because I'm a single mum, I'm not available all that often. I put forward a day and he said he might be free but he did have something on and it was left at that. I didn't suggest anything else.

Messages were going back-and-forth during the week, still seem like a really genuine nice guy, still seem to be suggesting meeting up but in quite a shy way if that makes sense.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I haven't heard from him in a few days. He message me on the weekend, checking in, asking qs etc... prompting conversation and ending with xx's but then he didn't reply to me.

I know I should probably take the hint and I guess just leave it at this. But part of me is just feeling really confused. I feel confused because he seems to have made a lot of effort in talking to me and arranging to meet up and stuff, so I'm just surprised to have not heard from him. Part of me is wondering should I have been more forward in arranging the second date? I wonder if I haven't reciprocated the effort? Like I said a few times, he seems really nice and genuine. He doesn't seem like he's a lads lad if that makes sense so part of me does wonder if he is quite shy and perhaps the issues when we were texting on WhatsApp gave him the wrong message if that makes sense?

I guess I just needed to say all of this out loud really. I'm just feeling disappointed and I am wishing I could go back in time and be a bit more forward around arranging a date. It isn't often that you meet someone who seems so nice online . Part of me wondered if I should just send a message, really laid-back and just asking if he wants to meet up again or should I just leave it?

WWYD?

For context we're both in our late thirties so it's not a teenage romance 🙈

OP posts:
RockingBeebo · 20/02/2024 18:28

Personally I would ask once more about meeting up and then leave it. So you won't keep wondering what if.

Pinkie89 · 20/02/2024 20:10

This seems like way too much hassle so early on. be wondering if he has a gf/wife.

dizzyupthegirl86 · 20/02/2024 20:20

Is he making any effort recently, other than messaging?

take out the messages, and what effort is he making to see you? If you suggested a date when he has plans, if he can’t make it then it’s on him to suggest another date.

Loubelle70 · 21/02/2024 12:52

I was messaging a guy from OLD... He was messaging couple times day..we arranged a date for in 2 week..we both busy work etc. anyway text him asking him innocent stuff...and nothing for 3 days. I messaged him again saying hi! Hows tricks? He just said hey. That was it for me. I said look im gonna leave it with you as you didn't reply to my last message. Ive not contacted him since.
Do the same...message him via text..no excuse then. Ask about concrete date if you hear nothing get rid. Im going on another date with another guy

waterrat · 21/02/2024 13:13

what do you mean he has put in effort? He hasn't put in any effort at all.

You suggested meeting he said he was busy and never suggested another day

please don't waste any more time on him OP

SamW98 · 21/02/2024 13:20

My guess is he’s seeing/talking to several women and keeping everyone in the back burner in case he’s at a loose end.

If you do want a definitive answer, message saying ‘do you want to meet up again’ and set a date. Otherwise just let him fade into history and move on.

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