What to do if you feel someone pulling away

[pinkpedi]

We've been together almost a year, it's long distance. Do I mention it or keep being the 'cool girl' and see what happens?

Let them go

You've been together a year and haven't had a chat about the future at all? I'm sorry to say that doesn't sound great. I have done lots of playing the cool girl and it only makes me anxious!

You need to talk to them.

@LavenderFlowers we had the chat in July, initiated by him. It's been intense and we have discussed the future, all great.
I'm not sure whether things are relaxing as normal or if he's having second thoughts. I don't want to come across all needy

At least then you'll know either way, good news or bad news. He might be vague about it if he's not sure but try get some clarity.

Focus all your energy on you, friends old and new, hobbies old and new. Stay busy doing interesting and enjoyable things.

On no account drink alone, sit in alone other than with a good book, knitting or something else and don't send pointless texts.

How often do you see each other? Are you seeing each other significantly less than before? Is there an obvious, unavoidable reason why that might be (eg very busy phase at work or something)? Is there any prospect of ceasing to be long-distance any time soon? You don’t have to answer these questions btw! But if your levels of contact are reducing for no obvious reason and there’s no imminent prospect of the relationship ceasing to be long-distance, then it may be because he is feeling that it’s easier to let the relationship fizzle out than maintain it. But as PP said, keep yourself busy so you’re not hanging around waiting for him. If he is withdrawing, chasing after him won’t make him want you more.

You’ve said nothing at all about your own feelings — do you really like this person? Do want the relatiinship to continue?

I think if the relationship is important to you it is fine to say "I've noticed a difference, are you having second thoughts?". I don't think that makes you seem desperate and I don't think it will do any harm if all is well, you are just making clear that you prefer to be open. Always better to know what is really going on.

Let them go.
I’d only want to be with someone who treats me as priority.
If they show no interest, I lose interest too.

Relationships shouldn’t be one sided.

Usually when men do this they've checked out and just want you to pull the plug. They tend to get ruder and nastier the longer you hold out to make sure you have no choice but to be the "baddy" and call it off.

Let them go.

@Dery we see each other a lot, every 2/3 wks for at least 4 days at a time, often longer. We've already had 2 holidays together and another planned soon, that hasn't stopped but it will be less often shortly due to him starting to renovating a house (to sell). Message all through day, he was lovely to me on valentines. There's a plan for him to move to me next year. I don't know, I'm just getting a bit of a vibe, he's not as slushy as he was, I'm not sure if I'm just panicking for no reason! Maybe I just need to chill a bit, I guess I'm getting scared the more I fall for him but I don't want to frighten him off!

If he started being mean or significantly distanced I would definitely not chase but that is not the case at all.

I adore him and don't want to mess it up!

@TheYearOfSmallThings I asked him a few days ago if he is still happy with us and he said blissfully.

That doesn't sound like he's pulling away at all. Don't let negative thoughts take hold as they can be very destructive

@pinkpedi

With your updates, it sounds like the relationship is still going well and nicely on track to keep going well.

The reduced slushiness is probably an indication of settling into the relationship - you can’t really keep that stuff up throughout a relationship to the same degree as in the early days.

Why weren’t you reassured by his answer?

If it's been almost a year, the intensity begins to settle down as the relationship transitions into the next phase.

Don't over think it

@Globules has nailed it. If you overthink it, you risk spoiling a good thing.

@Dery @Globules @niteklub
Thank you I think this is what I needed to hear!

The wise thing is to match their energy
and then when it continues - end it

but do we humans do the wise thing ? Non

If your relationship is as good as you say it is then you should be able to ask for a little bit of reassurance without being worried he'll see you as needy or that it will push him away.