Quick bit of dating advice needed!

[Cherrypiepieces]

Help!
So I've met this guy online, we have seen each other a few times now, vibe is so good, he's been saying all the right things, comes down to visit me for our dates, been v kind, sweet, we have been physical as it escalated and I felt ok with it.

Lots of messaging in between, he lives an hour from me so we'd arranged our next date for this weekend, now today he's messaged me to say he's forgotten he has tickets for a gig so can I do another day (which I can't as I look after my kids part time), I just responded to say shame, but sorry not free, then he asked if I was free another day (which I'm also not) and I didn't respond but he followed up with, oh actually let's just stick to Saturday (which was our original plan anyway).

I've not responded yet I have such a guard up from bad experiences of online dating and I wouldn't mind so much but he has made such a big deal via text of how he's so excited to see me again, blah blah fucking blah, but then he was prepared to prioritise a gig over me? I just don't know what to do now I'm so confused, I have a handful of other guys waiting in the sidelines wanting to take me out but I've kept them on the back burner because I do like this guy but now he's pissed me off!! Am I being too harsh do you think?

Yes.

Sorry I think you’re over reacting here. Ok it’s not ideal he totally forgot he had tickets but I wouldn’t cancel going to a pre paid for in advance event for a date.

With dating we all have to accept people have other things going on in their lives and work round that.

I think it’s unreasonable to expect him not to go to a gig with you can both arrange another date. The gig can’t be rearranged

Being too harsh. He was just seeing if he could manage to do both things and once he twigged that you couldn’t jig things around, he decided against the gig. Sounds ok to me!

Ok thanks, that's why I was asking as I didn't want to be too harsh, but the thing is all week we've been building up to it saying how much we're excited to see each other then I was just a bit surprised when he said the he'd forgotten he had these tickets. That's all. I just didn't want to be messed around.

He forgot about the tickets because he was excited at the thought of seeing you again.

Sounds to me like you're trying to sabotage this. Are you sure you're not just looking for a reason to dump him?

I love gigs, go to lots - why not go with him? I'd of asked him what band it was - then checked that they were really on at the venue then. He could of had a clash of dates. Tbh, I would not do an about change and ditch a gig for a 2nd date. I'd apologise for the clash and do my best to rearrange a mutually convenient time. That he did a turnaround, makes me wonder if it was a gig in the first place.

I agree with this.

Also, why have you got men waiting in the wings when you're still single? There's no harm going on a date with other people until you both decide to be exclusive.

Sorry, you're a few dates in. But really, I would not dich a gig for a date that can be rearranged.

Blimey!! Ok so context, I've been seriously messed around by several guys in my few months of OLD, so maybe my guard is a bit high, I agree I might be being harsh but I have just messaged him to say ok let's do sat, looking forward to seeing you. I'm sorry but as woman navigating online dating is brutal, you have to keep on your toes and make sure these guys aren't messing you around, that's all I was thinking, because it happens, and it happens a lot.

Also, he said to me after DATE 1, you can continue to date other people, but I don't want to know about, it's cool etc but keep it discreet, so I think we are both navigating this and trying to figure it out.

He gave you permission to date other people? Ugh.

The original question seemed like you were being too harsh so maybe just wait for a pattern to emerge before thinking he's messing with you.

Well I don't think he wants me to but he was the first guy I've dated to ever bring it up, this is why I find dating so confusing, I just won't want to get hurt

Maybe you're not ready to date again yet if you're projecting past crappy behaviour from exes onto this new guy. It sounds like you're trying to set him up for a fall.

And nobody wants to get hurt but it's a risk you have to take if you're going to date.

Or stop dating. That's the only way you can guarantee not getting hurt.

It's fair to be cautious and your spidey senses might not be wrong. That he said its cool for you to date others on the first date unprompted, is a little odd, possibly implies where he is at. Maybe bid your time for now, tbh, if I knew someone was carrying on dating after being intimate, I'd take issue and end it. But you don't know that as fact yet, remains to be seen. In the meantime ask him if it bothers you. It's a fair question to know what's what after intimacy- he could still lie of course, which I've experienced too. OLD, is filled with a boatload of people saying what the other wants to get their way.

The comment about you dating other people would bother me a lot more than him going to a gig tbh

I think it would be very weird for him to ditch the gig in favour of you, if he already has tickets. However, I thought it was odd that you said we have been physical as it escalated and I felt ok with it it’s hardly a ringing endorsement is it?

Saying you can date others would bother me, it's like he's encouraging you not to take him seriously, probably because his intentions is to carry on dating others, the gig was probably for another date but one he's not so keen on.

Bless you, much too harsh yes - totally healthy for him to still want to go to the gig at such an early point in your dating. He has paid money for this, presumably looking forward to it, will be letting a mate down if he doesn't go.....

In fact, it worries me MORE that he is now saying he will cancel the gig to see you instead - almost feels a bit clingy and desperate of him - he ought to have stuck to his guns and gone to the gig!

Not all men who cancel a date are lying. My husband and I met on Tinder - he rearranged our first date, not even for something glamorous like a gig, but to deliver boring fences! He was and still is very keen on me - he just had the chance of extra work and needed the money..

We then had the date, with its mind-blowing chemistry, and I then took my daughter away on a spontaneous holiday so we didn't meet again for about a week and a half..... It happens! Much MORE alarming when somebody is suddenly putting their whole life on hold, I think.....

I'm sorry but I kind of regret asking the question, i should just go with my gut, he said he has tickets for 2 nights Fri/sat, so he said he would still come and see me on sat so he's not completely cancelling his plans. Regarding the dating other people thing, it was more an open conversation like, where do we go from here? Like I think we both realised we like each other and he was being open and sounding me out to see what my intentions are, I don't think that's alarming, I said I hadn't met anyone I wanted to date yet, and since then he's tried to set up actual dates with me rather than just saying he's coming round as a casual thing. He's just messaged to say he's 100% on for sat and wants me to think he's dependable, I think it's ok. Thanks for the advice.