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Original poster

My Families Future

6 replies

MumNeedsAdvice112 · 19/02/2024 20:37

Hi All,

I have joined Mumsnet as I am desperate for some advice and feedback.

I have been married to my husband for 23 years and have 3 children (21,19 and 11 the youngest is autistic and needs constant care).

Our life up to 5 years ago has been ok financially but my husband lost his company and we had to sell some assets to pay off some substantial debts. After this situation my husband gambled a lot of money away without my knowledge (he looks after all financial matters) and cheated on me numerous times and I also found out he was heavily using drugs.

We had marriage counselling but it did not work and quite frankly, was a total disaster. We are constantly arguing about lots of different things and unfortuneatly police involvement was required on two occasions (he never harmed me but I was frightened) and I dropped any charges.

im not saying I am perfect as I do create issues as well but when we do argue it’s a total explosion and affects the kids (we are talking major bust ups once or twice a month).

its now transpired that my husbands new company he started 5 years ago is in serious trouble and has to close and he says that there maybe debts to pay.

we only have the house which has value and he has suggested selling it, divorcing and he buys a new house in mine and my kids name mortgage free so that we are protected.

I don’t really want to divorce, we come from an Asian family and is not usually accepted but I need to think about me and my children’s future. The risk is we potentially lose a lot of what we have built over the last 20 years if we stay together.

I may have missed some parts as I can’t think straight these days but your thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks

OP posts:
Froniga · 19/02/2024 21:31

Is your husband’s business in his sole name or is it a Limited company. If it’s a Limited company they wouldn’t be able to touch the house. Are you in the UK? If you are you can look up the details of your husband’s company on website - Companies House.
take care of yourself and your children.

Original poster
MumNeedsAdvice112 · 19/02/2024 21:40

Thank you for the response.

Yes, the company is a limited company and we are UK based.

im more worried that my husband will lose everything in the future.

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 20/02/2024 13:21

Divorce might be th best OP to safeguard your sanity and your families future.
Your H is repeatedly gambling with your families safety net & doesn’t seem to grasp consequences

Nanny0gg · 20/02/2024 16:12

I wouldn't trust him

Go and get your own legal advice

imnewhere2024 · 20/02/2024 18:06

I am also from an Asian background so get the stigma around divorce - there is an expectation you stay married no matter what. Whilst I agree divorce is the last resort, it’s always on the table if things get too bad.

the house is not at risk right now if you have a limited company but I would check he’s not got any debt against the house (second mortgage, secured loan) it’s worth checking the land registry, and debt against the house will be listed there- you pay £10 or less to get a copy of the register if I recall. It’s that sort of debt I’d be worried about, as that will need to be settled when you sell your current house. See a lot of family be shocked with these sort of nasty surprises when their spouses have racked up debt behind their back against a joint asset.

i would assume his plan is to divorce, gift you the proceeds, allow you to buy the next house in cash / small mortgage and then declare himself bankrupt. Bankrupt courts will look into your finances for up to 10 yrs, where they will see him gifting you the money and ant of his creditors will be able to come after your new house as he has attempted to defraud the courts. I get the temptation to go this route but it’s risky and if you are caught it’s beyond stressful and expensive

Original poster
MumNeedsAdvice112 · 20/02/2024 18:58

imnewhere2024 · 20/02/2024 18:06

I am also from an Asian background so get the stigma around divorce - there is an expectation you stay married no matter what. Whilst I agree divorce is the last resort, it’s always on the table if things get too bad.

the house is not at risk right now if you have a limited company but I would check he’s not got any debt against the house (second mortgage, secured loan) it’s worth checking the land registry, and debt against the house will be listed there- you pay £10 or less to get a copy of the register if I recall. It’s that sort of debt I’d be worried about, as that will need to be settled when you sell your current house. See a lot of family be shocked with these sort of nasty surprises when their spouses have racked up debt behind their back against a joint asset.

i would assume his plan is to divorce, gift you the proceeds, allow you to buy the next house in cash / small mortgage and then declare himself bankrupt. Bankrupt courts will look into your finances for up to 10 yrs, where they will see him gifting you the money and ant of his creditors will be able to come after your new house as he has attempted to defraud the courts. I get the temptation to go this route but it’s risky and if you are caught it’s beyond stressful and expensive

Thank you so much for the advice.

we have enough equity in the house to enable us to buy a new house for me and the children outright as well as money for the care and maintenance of our youngest child who is severely autistic. He will also walk away with some funds.

he’s not planning to declare bankruptcy as most of the debts are against the Ltd company.

however I will look. Into the land registry suggestion.

thanks again.

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