Needing space sometimes - is it a problem?

[Rockshore]

I’ve been with my partner for 2 years and love him dearly, he’s everything I want in a man and by far the nicest one I’ve ever met.

However…at times I feel a bit claustrophobic and need some time apart. We dont live together - in fact we’re an hour or so away - so we don’t see each other every day but when we do it’s quite intense and full-on, we normally stay at each other’s houses as there isn’t really the option to just pop over. When we’ve spent 3 or 4 days/nights in a row I feel slightly desperate for my own space even though I miss him as soon as we’re apart.

I think it’s fine to need/enjoy time on your own and for me that balance is really important. I was married for 20 years to someone who didn’t have much of a life outside the relationship and I dont think that was healthy. But it’s been pointed out to me that maybe this means I’m less committed or not that into him.

I don’t feel that at all but it worries me a bit especially as he isn’t at all the same - he works alone though and is very sociable whereas I work with people and am quite introverted.

I think he’d like to live together in the future but I just can’t see it working if I can’t even do a few days comfortably. I know he’d respect my feelings but I worry I’m not being fair to him. I couldn’t love him more though, I just have different needs which I don’t feel should be less important.

Nothing wrong with that in my opinion. I think the fact you've been married for 20 years and have done it before makes it more reasonable, now you know what you want. Aslong as your open and honest with him. You live your life how you want, its too short. If he loves you he will understand.

Breathing space is... Exactly that. The oxygen that keeps the relationship alive.
It is reasonable that as a sociable sort working alone, he should crave the company and you are in the opposite position... But that doesn't mean you don't love him!!
I'm sure if you both care for one another a mutual middle ground could be found... No need to throw the baby out with the bath water!!

My boyfriend and I live apart too and recently we holidayed together. After 24/7 together for days I just needed some space, so I sat in an opposite seat across the aisle on a bus tour. It made me sooo 😊 happy. Even when I stay at his house I take time for a nap and that's my breather time from him.

I think it’s perfectly normal to want Asare on your own. I know that I could never live with someone again.
It doesn’t mean you feel any less for your partner, just wanting your own peace and quiet can be priceless.

I feel completely the same. I don’t think I want to live with someone again and I’m only 38. I just love my own space and freedom too much but would like to find a companion. Introverts need space to recharge, completely normally however much you love him

Phew! It’s so refreshing to read these replies and know I’m not the only one who feels like this

I've been married for 30 years. We work together as well, from home.

We have learnt to give each other space. It's indispensable for us. It's also a lot easier and more natural when you are in your daily routine than when you have specifically gone out of your way to be together and that is time limited.

It's normal, in fact, we are so aware of the need for it in our relationship as a pair of introverts, that we actively plan for it!

You still need to be your own person with your own time and space and interests even when you're in a relationship.

Perfectly reasonable, and what's more,.also realistic. Cohabitation doesn't have to be claustrophobic. I know couples (got together after children) who each have their own living room, or who bought two adjoining smaller flats. Works for them.