Looking too keen when dating

[ItchyAnkles]

I've not dated online, ever. My relationships have all evolved out of friendships, but I'm early 40's now with 2 teenagers, and as I've got older my social circle has got smaller and the potential for meeting someone the traditional way is pretty much non-existent.

I'm considering trying OD, but I have a few reservations. I'm autistic, and if I like someone I'm pretty direct about it. I have some social skills, so I don't mean that I behave beyond the bounds of normal politeness. It's just the etiquette of women waiting for men to do all the chasing that I find very odd. The amount of times I've read on MN that being direct looks far too keen and will ultimately freak a man out is very disheartening. I'm happy to match effort with equal effort when it comes to messaging and making plans, but waiting around to be contacted sounds dull as fuck.

Am I simply not cut out for OD, or is it worth persevering until I manage to encounter some men who aren't put off by forward women?

I’d say Bumble is the best dating app for you as women have to message first. So being a bit forward is the norm.

I think there’s a huge difference between being upfront compared to chasing a man. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking a man to meet rather than expect them to do the running.

@SamW98 that's a positive first response! OK, so it might not be as bad as I feared...

Just be yourself and then you are much more likely to end up with someone who likes the real version of you.

I couldn’t be bothered with game playing when I tried OLD and DP said that he really liked my positivity 🤷‍♀️

The only rules you should definitely follow are the safety ones

You won't put anyone off that's keen in the first place, just be yourself. The only time it's best to back off is if you've tried and they aren't matching your effort.

That's definitely the approach I want to take if i do take the plunge. I'd almost convinced myself that there was no point in trying as I wouldn't find anyone who'd be OK with my forthright manner. I'm feeling more hopeful now.

Re: safety rules... I used to use fab for FB meets and am very sensible when it comes to personal safety.

I'm the same. I'm up front if I like someone. I will literally say "You're lovely, I really like you" or just flirt and make it clear. That still comes with high standards intact and no tolerance for red flag behaviour. As long as you don't act like a complete sap or a doormat then it's usually fine.

As above. As a man speaking, just be direct. It's honest to God a relief from having to jump through hoops in the OLD world.

I love the woman where its match, few little sensible questions, date in the diary, let's meet and see if there is chemistry. If so, great, let's carry on. If not, cheers and bye.

With a man who likes you and is on your wavelength it honestly won't matter. With one who doesn't, it wasn't going to last forever anyway so why worry.

I suppose not double texting in early dating is a good general rule of thumb. People will reply in their own time and if they don't, they're not keen.

But other than that, don't second guess yourself, the right bloke will be delighted to hear you want to see him again.