HI, story my be slightly long. Have an ex, with a 5 year old, due to her control, had to walk away from him back in 2020. Met someone new, not long after. Relationship was good,, she gave up her life and moved in, with her 2 boys. Fast forward, last year, SS contacted me, advising that they were in the proceeds of putting my 5 year old into care. For being at risk of emotional harm, the police took mam to court for harassment on me, son has seen violence on myself, and his other family members. Ended up with CAO, weekend overnights and a few hours one day a week. Mam was out for revenge, she also knew my triggers and buttons to press. Constant threats to breech the order, My partner has a dog, get rid of the dog, or he is not coming, there is a condition that he was to not share my bed, yet mam keeps him in her bed, with the overnights this was the only proper time i got to spend with my partner. So bed sharing was not an option, but you try telling a 4 /5 yr old he cant , when his life is his mothers bed.
Back to my triggers, every time i got emotionally hurt, i would use alcohol , have done this since 99 , ended up with a form of PTSD from a previous relationship. I did sort myself out. Until that is 5 yr old mam started playing the mental head games again, recent partner, we had set a date to get married. i took some of it out on her, when in drink, we did have an issue or 2 that could have been sorted out, but having my head up my arse with my son., didn't see the other issues. and how my recent partner was being affected. Came to the point of spending 240 quid for a solicitor's letter, to be sent for the amount of threats to breech the court order. From all the stress, bang i said in drink for her to leave, but it was anger at the whole situation, I didn't want her to leave, she asked, if i would help her , i refused, and went out of the way to give some space. She left, cancelled the wedding. and would not answer my calls, but with this i went and got more drunk. So in hindsight can see why she would not let me talk.
Where we are now, she has moved back in with the father of her 2 boys, and applied for a council house. The father has over 16 years, has abused her mentally , phytologically , he has a genetic issue, a duplicated and deleted chromosome, that has been passed to the boys. but my partner and i have been trying to work it out, we have seen the issues, and i am working on them, having alcohol support, taking tablets to stop the cravings, also having CBT counselling again, to help deal with the past issues.
But this is where the going backwards is causing me issues, since giving all i possibly can, to show present partner, that i am fixing myself, its not enough for her to move back in, i understand its a security thing for her, this is my house, its mortgage free, so she wants us to start again when she moves into her house, with the feeling that with what i have done to change me. with knowing that, her boys father is using threats towards, current partner, if you go back with him , ill keep the boys, even though , he is not a typical father, he wont go past his front gate, he wont do anything. I feel that he is still manipulating her, i have directed her to the freedom programme. There was a issue that popped up the other day, that i spoke to my key worker, and he said what i was thinking, that she wont move completely on herself , that she needs some form of counselling.
We are here because i let my 5 year old mother take me back to how it was, i gave her the headspace, she knew my triggers, and she pushed it, she has also admitted , she is out for revenge, for the harassment.