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Thoughts please on taking a backwards step

7 replies

goldleaf70 · 19/02/2024 13:08

HI, story my be slightly long. Have an ex, with a 5 year old, due to her control, had to walk away from him back in 2020. Met someone new, not long after. Relationship was good,, she gave up her life and moved in, with her 2 boys. Fast forward, last year, SS contacted me, advising that they were in the proceeds of putting my 5 year old into care. For being at risk of emotional harm, the police took mam to court for harassment on me, son has seen violence on myself, and his other family members. Ended up with CAO, weekend overnights and a few hours one day a week. Mam was out for revenge, she also knew my triggers and buttons to press. Constant threats to breech the order, My partner has a dog, get rid of the dog, or he is not coming, there is a condition that he was to not share my bed, yet mam keeps him in her bed, with the overnights this was the only proper time i got to spend with my partner. So bed sharing was not an option, but you try telling a 4 /5 yr old he cant , when his life is his mothers bed.
Back to my triggers, every time i got emotionally hurt, i would use alcohol , have done this since 99 , ended up with a form of PTSD from a previous relationship. I did sort myself out. Until that is 5 yr old mam started playing the mental head games again, recent partner, we had set a date to get married. i took some of it out on her, when in drink, we did have an issue or 2 that could have been sorted out, but having my head up my arse with my son., didn't see the other issues. and how my recent partner was being affected. Came to the point of spending 240 quid for a solicitor's letter, to be sent for the amount of threats to breech the court order. From all the stress, bang i said in drink for her to leave, but it was anger at the whole situation, I didn't want her to leave, she asked, if i would help her , i refused, and went out of the way to give some space. She left, cancelled the wedding. and would not answer my calls, but with this i went and got more drunk. So in hindsight can see why she would not let me talk.
Where we are now, she has moved back in with the father of her 2 boys, and applied for a council house. The father has over 16 years, has abused her mentally , phytologically , he has a genetic issue, a duplicated and deleted chromosome, that has been passed to the boys. but my partner and i have been trying to work it out, we have seen the issues, and i am working on them, having alcohol support, taking tablets to stop the cravings, also having CBT counselling again, to help deal with the past issues.
But this is where the going backwards is causing me issues, since giving all i possibly can, to show present partner, that i am fixing myself, its not enough for her to move back in, i understand its a security thing for her, this is my house, its mortgage free, so she wants us to start again when she moves into her house, with the feeling that with what i have done to change me. with knowing that, her boys father is using threats towards, current partner, if you go back with him , ill keep the boys, even though , he is not a typical father, he wont go past his front gate, he wont do anything. I feel that he is still manipulating her, i have directed her to the freedom programme. There was a issue that popped up the other day, that i spoke to my key worker, and he said what i was thinking, that she wont move completely on herself , that she needs some form of counselling.
We are here because i let my 5 year old mother take me back to how it was, i gave her the headspace, she knew my triggers, and she pushed it, she has also admitted , she is out for revenge, for the harassment.

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 19/02/2024 17:36

So you are blaming most of your problems on the alcohol, with a top blame of your ex causing you to be an alcoholic. How about some personal responsibility here? It's nobody's fault that you are an alcoholic, that's your choice. You blame triggers ie. others instead of your own choices. Are you just going to be a slave to your triggers the rest of your life. Guess what, shit happens in life and its not up to others to tiptoe around you so that you don't fall off the waggon, it's not their job to give you an easy life.
Do you want everything straight away? Well only time will help this, stay sober, keep up with meetings and let your GF take as long as she needs to be sure you are safe - a year at least. She's right not to move straight back in with you, you booted her out with 2 DC without warning, not caring about what happened to her DC's.

UtopiaCookbook · 19/02/2024 17:42

Agree with @Opentooffers. Take responsibility for your drinking and poor choices, and allow you r partner to make her own decisions about if and when you are ever a safe person to move in with again. She was entirely right to cancel the wedding.

Nanny0gg · 19/02/2024 17:46

Totally confused.

What's happened to your son now?

goldleaf70 · 19/02/2024 18:26

Yes I have taken responsibility for my actions, old habits die hard, have now woke up to the alcohol issues.
My son, well as his mam was hell bent on ruining my life. I have had to stop all contact with him. Until a point that i am mentally strong
Also i would like to point out, it was not deliberate, in asking her to leave. It was a moment of drunk words, I took myself away from the situation, to try and give some space. It was the wake up call i needed. to shock me.

OP posts:
Dery · 19/02/2024 19:25

So you think your ex is monstrous but you are happy to abandon your son to her care. You really don’t seem to care much about him. Poor little boy. You threw your partner and her DCs out.

You’re not looking like quality partner material. You need to work on yourself a lot more - maybe focus on getting to a place where you can properly care for your son and leave relationships alone for a while.

goldleaf70 · 19/02/2024 21:08

Wonder how many relationships do the words get out happen ?? Just one ? Do these words just not get said in the heat of the moment ?? Gf took the words literally, which did shock me , and how would i have stopped her? she went when i was upstairs out of the way
As for my son , yes his mam is horrible. For now i have resumed video contact. So he knows I am still around.

OP posts:
goldleaf70 · 20/02/2024 20:20

Something i did not mention, but i was told from the very beginning that she hated cheats, her mam cheated on her dad, i believed her, then it came to light, that she was masturbating on video chat to 2 men , cheating on her boys dad, and this or men ,were still in contact , one up to the point she moved in, the second to the point we got engaged. Her view that it was not cheating, because it was not physical, it also went on for 18 years 2 of which were with me.

Witch is why i came here looking for views , on going backwards , the above has sort of been fixed.

OP posts:
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