Would this bother you?

[HarissaVerde]

My husband has started going out a couple of times a week on top of his hobby. I don’t mind this, he is a restless sort who used to travel a lot with work. He’s had to cut this back recently as our 7 year old wasn’t coping with his absences. So instead he goes to the pub after she’s in bed, often not coming back till 2am.

I don’t mind him going out for a drink but have noticed he’s getting home later and later. Last weekend he brought a man at 2am back to sleep over in our spare room which I didn’t like as I’ve never met him and didn’t like a strange person being there Saturday morning. Our daughter doesn’t cope well with routine changes so for that reason we rarely have people to stay. So I was surprised he did this.

Since we had our child he has changed, viewing my contribution as little when I was a SAHM for a couple of years, without realising this enabled him to travel and expand his career. There have been what I would call some emotional abuse where he would lambast me for ages and then accuse me of not being able to communicate. He and my daughter often see me as a kind of housekeeper I think, shouting out to hurry up with the dinner and pass them things.

He feels I’m being silly to be upset that he brought a stranger back to sleep over in the middle of the night. He is friends with this man but more of a recent pub friend. Would this upset you?

I would lose my shit if my husband brought home some randomer I don’t know to sleep in my spare room at 2am! You have every right to be pissed off!

You are not being un reasonable. To bring a stranger back to stay in your home is total dis respect for you and your daughter. This man could be anyone, Your home is your safe place or it should be. Is your husband drinking heavily when he is out? Sounds like he is not being a responsible or loving husband and father. I would seriously consider if this is how y9ou want your marriage / relationship to be

He doesn't see you as his equal, his wife, he's being very irresponsible staying out late and bringing strangers home, shouting at you for dinner and pass things? He's treating like your a robot maid.
That would upset me to the point of him not being my husband anymore

He brought a bloke back home from the pub at 2am who you'd never met who then slept in your home with your small child there?????? WTAF?!

Upset me?! He'd have been thrown out on the Saturday morning (along with the randomer from the pub) and told to come back when he's sorted himself out.

Being a SAHM is so hard. children change the dynamic of the relationship. He needs to get a grip. I was resentful of my husband as a SAHM but I should've dealt with it at the time not take it out on my husband. Your husband needs to take responsibility for his choices. I would be angry if there were guests over that I didn't know.

Thank you all for reassuring me, he made it seem that I was being very uncaring to resent him ‘helping’ his friend, when in reality he should have just walked home.
I did wonder if it was some sort of midlife crisis, I have the feeling he talks to women for an ego boost and there was an incident a couple of years ago where he was out clubbing till 4am with a couple of very young girls.

It is weird how some men seem to change after having children, he goes off for naps in the middle of the day, including Christmas Day and has stopped doing much to help. I do work now albeit only part time, but I do everything for our daughter. He’s great at playing, he really loves imaginary games and is better at that side of things than me.

This happened with my ex when we had our daughter. He said he felt like a spare part and was not getting any attention so found it else where. Having a child really highlighted that he was not ready or mature enough.