Dad died and long term partner dumped me same day

[Dontbesaft]

My dad was fabulous man . Loved me , taught me so much about life and we adored spending time together.

He was 95, has be frail for one year but soldiered on. Before that he was astonishing.

He was stable and having a quality of life until he had a brain bleed a fortnight before he died.

i was told he was dying a week before he died.

my emotional response, was to me, unexpected. We saw each other at least two days a week , went on holidays etc but I did know he was old and frail.

My partner told me the night my dad died I was too emotional. He wanted out.

we had been together 6 years. Due to us being away, when dad died until today, we spent all our time together. I tried to broach the subject twice, he was abrupt to the point of rudeness.

obviously it’s done but to lose a dad and partner the same day is excruciating.

Please give me some hope or just support.

BTW I am 61 and dad was 95.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad
What your partner did was unspeakably cruel
those are two sorts of grief but very different
what I can say is that you will get through this
do you have a good, real life support network? Can you take time off work

you have a lot to process but I would focus on grieving for your dad who sounds quite wonderful
in time you will be ok and you will look back and be thankful for the wonderful memories you have with your dad and relief your partner showed his true colours and you could be rid of him
I wish you strength

Your partner of 6 years said you were too emotional over your Dad dying?
I know you hurt atm, but honestly? You are better off without this leech. It appears that I, a stranger on the internet, have more compassion for you than he does.
Don't let his betrayal distract you from grieving for your Father. Cruse is excellent for support. 💐

I am sorry for the loss of your Dad, he sounds like he was an amazing man and you sound like an amazing daughter!. Your ex partner however sounds awful. To dump you on the same day you lost your Dad is just awful when he should have been supportive. Two losses in one day is absolutely heart breaking, spend your time mourning your Dad and look after yourself. Your ex showed his true colours when you needed him most. Take very good care of yourself.

Sending gentle hugs and agreeing with the others.
You won't see it now, and you might not see it for a while, but your Dad brought you up to deserve better than this ex.

How appalling! I am so sorry that the grief you are feeling for your Dad has been hijacked by your partner. I cannot imagine how anyone could be so callous.

What an unspeakable way to treat you. So sorry you lost your dad. Being rid of your 'partner' sounds like a blessing in disguise.

Op I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, sending a virtual hand hold. As for the loss of your "partner" you're well shut! Although I can see how much it would hurt. Do you have any RL support?

well he’s freed you up nicely to focus on yourself and your dad. I’m so sorry for your loss. When you move forward from this initial shock, you’ll realise you are much better off without the ’partner’. If you have any mutual friends be sure to let them know.

I'm so sorry to hear about the sad loss of your DF💐

Your ex is an incredibly cruel and abusive man to do that to you, and I hope you never have to set your eyes on him again.

I wouldn’t treat someone else I didn’t like the way your partner treated you .

so sorry for your loss . Emotions are very normal . Hope you are able to surround yourself with someone more supportive .

Sending you strength and hugs on the loss of your father, who sounds like he was a wonderful man, I am so sorry you are going through this 💐

You deserve a partner as lovely as your dear dad. Sorry for your loss and the cruelty your ex has shown. Grieve for your lovely Dad and don’t forget you deserve better from a partner.

I'm so sorry OP you must be devastated. In my experience men who have had their heads turned or just want out of a relationship tend to wait for an event like this or start an argument of some sort then blurt it out. Naturally it is always the woman's fault.
Using your dad's death as his excuse to leave and then blaming you is a disgusting and cowardly thing to do.
But you can be sure he was going to leave anyway. It is highly likely there is someone else.
My exH did a similar thing to me after 20 years together and naturally he had "never been happy with me".
It's awful now but you are better off without him.

Wow what a nasty bastard he is.

You have my every sympathy and thought. You do not deserve this. 💐

Sorry for the loss of your lovely Dad. Don't let your ex partner acting like a jerk distract you from grieving properly. You're better off without a mean person like that in your life. Literally kicking you when you are down and feeling vulnerable. Don't let him squirm his way back.

So sorry OP, that is awful to have lost your dad, he may have been a good age but when you love someone you love them. You ex is an evil bastard quite frankly and that is unbelievably shitty behaviour. Make sure you take time off if you need too. Get the GP to sign you off if you feel you can't cope with work. Big hugs.

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I was doubting myself. He’s never been very kind but I did as much as I could when his mum and sister died.

More than bit blown away by it. Never known anyone show no compassion in similar circumstances before.
He was my partner!!!!!
He knew my dad reasonably well and spent time with him. He seemed fond of dad who was a true gentleman, always friendly and interested in the partner?

As I think often happens, I have hugely kind thoughts and offers from both expected and unexpected people, but he has said or done nothing.

i was single for four years before I got together with my (now ex) partner. Don’t have much confidence in myself as a good partner. I am financial independent, own my house outright so I don’t need him for anything other than being with each other.

My past history says I am not good at relationships. Ironically both my ex partners have expressed condolences and will be at the funeral.

Dad and I lunched together once a week for 40 years as well as weekend visits. Mum was ill and housebound so I was always his companion as he was mine. This was a very close ,father daughter, relationship.

Once me and my partner became established it was always the three of us or me seeing dad when he saw his mum. Not eating into “our time”

In shock. Determined to not lose my composure with him but where do I turn? I do have friends but it’s not in me to tell the whole story. Would dislike myself more if I did.

First hurdle is the funeral in 10 days. I don’t want him there. However I am the “host” organising the service and delivering the eulogy. Explaining his absence will be another stress.

Even if he wants to attend I don’t want him there.

Cruse is a very good idea. Other suggestions also very welcome.

Afraid I might crumble

To clarify, me and my partner had a lot of alone time together. It’s just if I was seeing dad or it was a celebration etc my partner was never excluded. He always attended, despite being a man who never does anything he doesn’t want to.
I can’t rationalise it.

@Gettingbysomehow you may well be right but as he’s impotent due to diabetes I wonder how that will play out

I am so sorry you lost your dad. He sounds absolutely lovely.

As far as the funeral is concerned all you can say about your boyfriend is "he's an ex-boyfriend actually, he wasn't what he seemed to be. No doubt you'll hear about this later but today I don't want to be thinking about him."

What a dreadful dreadful person. He wasn’t even a good friend to you, let alone a partner.
please don’t let this awful person second guess yourself as you celebrate your dads life.
the older I get, I realise that some people don’t do others emotions and are completely entitled, selfish & blinkered within this.
I hope you’ve got some friends who can help in real life but there’s some good people on here that will get you through xxx

A brutally unkind man who never did anything he didn't feel like doing has left your life, and you didn't have to go to the trouble of kicking him out. This is not a loss.

You can tell friends - I urge you to open up and ask for support. Tell them he did you the favour of showing you his true colours. Keep it short. You don't have to tell a long saga.

So sorry about your lovely dad. The funeral will be very hard, but maybe a little easier if your closest friends know the truth.

i have experienced the same situation as you. I was out looking for someone to relate with because I felt very alone. My partner had the same cold reaction so I know how you feel. This all happened when I was 16 and my dad was 62. He was just wonderful and full of life and I miss him everyday. He had a heart attack when he was out and I never got to say goodbye. I do wish you have found peace in what happened to you but it can be hard. Sending love and support

Ditto

What a disguating apartner but IMO, you are better off without them

I am so sorry that this has happened... to lose your dad is unbelievably sad and what your ex has done is beyond cruel. It isn't you that's bad at relationships. Be kind to yourself and reach out to people in real life.

This. Focus on grieving for your lovely Dad.