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Relationships

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Dating site disasters

8 replies

80smusiclover · 18/02/2024 17:42

Lost my partner last year, sadly, so as its been a year I just decided to put myself out there as I miss having someone. in my life
Joined a dating site at new year and spent some time speaking to a few guys.
Gave one my number and he only messaged once a day. Fine, some guys don't want to overdo it. Was polite and respectful, asked about my loss/life etc. After a week texting/phoning he just stopped. So I'm guessing he didn't want to meet me after all ! Hmmm, he seemed keen but hey ho.
Next guy was super keen. A university lecturer with a cat (I've got two). Pursued me for two weeks. He didn't want to swap numbers, I was ok with that too I'm pretty private at giving my number out, so we texted on the site.
We messaged daily. Asked me about my interests/life etc - all was going well. He messaged me on Valentine's Day and we arranged to meet at a local park for a coffee this weekend.
I turned up early so I could watch out for him arriving. Waited 20 mins after the meeting time and then messaged him on the site to say 'thanks for wasting my time!' No reply.
What am I doing wrong? I'm a bit old-fashioned in that I prefer a guy to pursue me (I believe they will if they're interested).
What the heck is wrong with guys on these sites !? I'm a good person, loyal and caring with a good heart. Funny, sociable, solvent, fairly pretty lol
I just can't work these guys out. If they're interested and want to meet and take things further, then that's why they should stay in touch. If they don't, they should cut ties before it gets to that stage. But that's not what's happening.
I met my late partner online and, yes, it took some time but it wasn't this hard.
The guy this weekend? Either he died (!) or he's an arsehole for not turning up. I know which one I'm going with....... :)

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 18/02/2024 19:25

Never had one not turn up, but I might just have been lucky in that. Do you talk on the phone before meeting? I've always had a phone chat prior rather than it all being text. That you never got his number before meeting was a bad sign. I don't chat more than a few days via the website, then step to whattsapp, and if there isn't a planned meet within 2 weeks of first chatting, move on as it's not progressing.

B1rd · 18/02/2024 19:50

I suspect that guy 2 was married and wanted an ego boost.

It doesn't just happen to you, it happens to lots of people who use dating apps.

If a man is truly interested he will pursue you.

80smusiclover · 18/02/2024 19:54

@Opentooffers thanks for your message. Yeah I normally like to chat at least a few times & message via whatsapp before meeting anyone too.
I can understand the not swapping numbers though. Guys don't want a crazy stalker (neither do I !). I suppose deleting/blocking is the answer if it doesn't work out, but I was ok with chatting on the site, because we're still strangers after all, and we did message a lot so I felt I got to know him well enough. I'm usually a very good judge of character, but online dating is a different ballgame altogether.
I don't have close friends or a hobby where I could meet someone. I do love live music though and get out and about by myself, so I'm proud that I've managed to get this far in a year.
Still, it's early days for me and I'm careful in who I meet.
I kinda know the answers to my own post (as I'm in my 50s lol) but I'm still interested to hear others' views in case I'm missing something, so thanks again :)

OP posts:
Jennyjojo5 · 18/02/2024 19:56

That’s just two guys.. crikey, most of us on dating sites have been on there for years and had dozens of dates and connections. It’s all a numbers game.. plus most men on the sites are a waste of space x

80smusiclover · 18/02/2024 19:56

@B1rd thanks. That may be the case with guy 2, guess I'll never know. His loss lol.

And yes, I agree with your other comments totally :)

OP posts:
Lovetosleep1 · 18/02/2024 20:00

I have a rule that I'll chat for a week but then it's either arrange and meet or move on. I don't want to waste time messaging back and forward to then meet at some point in the future and not be attracted to them. I also think lots of messaging soon loses momentum so for me it's meet quickly or move on.

80smusiclover · 18/02/2024 20:02

@Jennyjojo5 hmm maybe a lot are a waste of space. I can usually filter them out. My late partner certainly wasn't. There are still some good guys out there. He was one of the best. Took me 9 months to meet him though. I'm not looking for an amazing looking go-getter - just a nice, normal guy - good company, get to know him, share time together. I'll stay hopeful. I realise it will take time :)

OP posts:
80smusiclover · 18/02/2024 20:04

@Lovetosleep1 good advice, thanks for sharing :)

OP posts:
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