Texting an ex… I need an intervention

[Nosierosi]

Hi, I think I need an intervention 😂…

i broke up with ex last summer. Together 18 months, lots of very special memories but in the long run I found him overbearing and I didn’t like how he behaved when he was in a mood with with me or my children.

I’ve really found it hard to get over him, I think because I wasn’t ready to end it but an argument we had forced my hand. After the argument we didn’t see each other again although we spoke a couple of times in the week after. although I’ve been resolute in the relationship being over, I still have some lingering feelings for him.

he got in touch a few months ago saying he still loved me and asking to meet up. I sensitively declined. We’ve been no contact apart from this one message.

so to my problem. The last few weeks I keep thinking about him. Facebook memories keep coming up of really happy times. I think about him most days. I keep wanting to reach out and see how he is, I worry that he will think that I didn’t care about him or that he was forgettable.. but also I think this might be more for my benefit, making myself feel better for ending it and is probably a bad idea.
In my heart we’d be together but my head is firmly that we can’t so I’m not looking to reconcile. I don’t know if I’m looking for closure or what really…

whats going on. What should I do. Someone talk some sense into me….
what can I do to stop thinking about him…

help…

Read your first paragraph again - do you want to go back to that again?

Block him on all channels. Go into the settings on memories and you can exclude certain dates or people etc.

and I didn’t like how he behaved when he was in a mood with with me or my children.

oh OP

please prioritise your children at least from now on

Hi, I think I need an intervention 😂…

You do

For allowing your boyfriend to treat your children badly

Parent up

Concentrate more on the behaviour he showed when in a mood with you or your DC's - unacceptable to take his mood out on them, you did right by them by ending it.
Too much thinking of the good times is not helpful, you had good reasons to end it.

just caught your other thread

I’ve felt that he has put me under pressure to behave a certain way with my children or with the divorce and he has a short fuse so whilst I’ve not felt physically threatened he definitely fights dirty verbally which I don’t agree with and I think his short fuse has in the past led to me not speaking up when things bother me.

have a read of your thread op

and come back and say whether you still miss him

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4839244-to-think-its-time-to-call-it-a-day?page=3&reply=127292365

You felt strongly at the time he wasn't right, and had to end it, a moody personality isn't going to resolve itself and you have to think of your children and what's best for them.
It's never easy to walk away from a relationship with feelings but you will in time accept it was for the best.

Thanks. I do need to remember what it evolved into rather than what it was like in the beginning for some reason that’s the bit that’s harder.

i have no intention of going back. I’d have done that last year when he reached out if I was going to.

this sudden flare up of thinking about him has caught me by surprise really when I really thought I was over him.

I think it's not so much him you line for but the whole having a boyfriend and doing things together etc.

Even though he may have been horrible at times your mind is focussing on the times when you had happy memories, perhaps on days out etc.

Sometimes in the quest for romance and companionship, the negative things are pushed to one side but really those are the things you need to remember and understand that he is not the right partner for you.

It's the Facebook memories that's triggering you. You need to turn off any physical memories and indeed anything that makes you think about him, eg songs, old messages. Once you remove the triggers, your brain will eventually switch over to other things to think about.

I didn’t know you can turn them off for certain people. I’ve changed the settings so hopefully that should help! I’ve definitely had a bit of a flurry recently of Facebook memories, Google photo reels of “memories with …” reminding me of the good times.

Since posting I already feel a bit like a weight has been lifted.

Op are you lonely? Could you just be wishing to be in a relationship and wanting that spark back again, so reminiscing?

i might be, I’m really not interested in having a relationship but I think that’s more because I just don’t have space in my life to even consider it at the moment. I would be lying if I said there weren’t times I missed how I felt with my ex in that initial year. I felt like I had met the one, it felt amazing and I felt very cared for and loved. Some of this has definitely been triggered by the recent Facebook memories and Google photo reels, the kids talking about him (positively)…

I have been trying to make sure I see friends and do things for me. My parents are very supportive and I speak to them often.

But I’ve got loads of big stuff going on, just started a new job, selling house and relocating, the divorce is getting sorted. I think some of what I’m feeling is that there is a lot of pressure in me to do things and make decisions on my own and I’m missing the feeling of having someone to lean on, or make decisions with.

Because of my exs personality (for the good and bad) he did make me feel quite “held” so to speak, like I wasn’t on my own, he made a lot of decisions and he a clear idea of what should happen. For a while it did feel like were a real team. I know this evolved into something that was problematic but I wonder if I’m craving a bit of that. I’m alone in that these decisions are mine to make and mine alone, and they are big ones. I’m mentally tired.

im definitely not going to text him. It serves no purpose.