Dating & Body Issues

[NervousNortherner]

I've been carer for a parent for a number of years now so dating has been far from my thoughts
A few months ago at a work event I got talking to a bloke who works in our London office, had a laugh, he took my number, I naively didn't see anything into it
Roll forward a few months and we've been messaging, he's made it clear he's interested (even though he's 13 years younger, I'm 50 but don't look it)
I've recently been in the office so briefly saw him though not long enough to chat
I've said I won't go on a date but will go for a coffee or drink when I'm down again soon

Anyway, I'm not sure I fancy him but I feel like my confidence in myself has come back a bit and will see how it goes, but I have massive body issues after not being with somebody a good few years now, saggy boobs, apron stomach which has got bigger (thanks perimenopause)
How do I get over this? I'm not saying I will take things further but I'm horrified at how I've let my body go when my minds been on caring & working full time
Thanks for listening, sorry for waffling

If he's any kind of decent bloke he won't care what your body looks like. I think us women are way too hard on ourselves, trying to make ourselves into something that most guys don't want. Enjoy a drink or coffee with him and see how things progress.

Thank you, I needed to hear that
Dont feel I can talk about it with rl friends

I'm not sure that any man, presented with an actual naked woman, would say anything or turn it down. Go for it, girl. Give it a whirl and believe in yourself!

Thank you, I know nobody's perfect
Think cos he's younger it's making me worry more. He's certainly no health freak or gym boy himself

I know exactly how you feel , but think of this - you met in person and he was attracted to you. He knows what you look like already. If you have the time/inclination maybe think about your diet and exercise, but only for you, not for this or any other man.

That's true we have met in person and I was in work clothes not going out clothes

I have actually been losing weight but Rome wasn't built in a day and it's more the sogginess than my weight that bothers me
I have 3 weeks!

Honestly, I totally understand. Yesterday I met someone in person, that I'd met in an online hobby group. So he's seen my Facebook pics, but I haven't uploaded a full body photo for a couple of years. In that time, I have packed weight on and am also familiar with the saggy stomach area. I was genuinely worried, although it was unclear whether it was a friends or more situation, I was still worried about my appearance.

3 weeks til you see him again? I have 2 weeks. I have a history of extreme dieting but I am absolutely NOT going to do this. Instead, I am moving towards "self care." Looking after myself better. Less wine, healthier eating, more movement. Good luck!

Yeah just under 3 weeks till I'm in London for work, both thinking of taking 1/2 day leave and going for afternoon drinks

I'm not going to rush into anything so in theory I'd have a bit longer to get fitter but even going for drinks is a step I've not done in a few years, I've insisted it's not a date! I don't want labels 🤣 already thinking if it goes well I could be the latest office gossip as it would be out of character of be to date at work

Good luck and have fun!

Infuriatingly, it's not even the very fit men who are critical of women's bodies. I think if your clothes show your shape and you don't wear spandex, push up bras and and shaping undergarments he would have a fair idea of your shape. Most men have seen soooo much porn that they have xray vision.

The best thing is to accept your body and get confident with it otherwise you will be too vulnerable to abuse if you rely on external validation, too self conscious to enjoy sex and if it doesn't work out you'll be internalising it as rejection of your body.

If it ever gets to the point where he sees your 'saggy boobs' or 'apron stomach' then he should be so overjoyed and having a good time that he isn't flipping out a score chart of anatomical beauty rated out of 10. If he did, you should show him the door anyway. I reckon most ladies of a certain vintage have saggy bits, and I sure do. We are all bombarded by media images of plastic surgery induced perfection, and think that is some kind of standard to compete against. I think we are probably our own worst critics, and other people perceive it differently. One might hope he liked you as a person and found you attractive for your personality as much as your looks. He will already know roughly what you look like undressed, and it has not discouraged him. I am getting over sarcoma treatment, and put on a stone due to steroids and nerve pain tablets. Bits of me are sagging that were not before, but I am here and alive so I have got over it. I will give you the advice I gave myself. Life is short, stuff happens that is out of our control...so enjoy the fun bits of living while you can, and try not to worry or overthink.

You'll be absolutely fine. Don't worry, just enjoy and be yourself. Remember he is lucky to be spending time with you. Good luck

This thread has made me feel so much better better
I've put everyone else first for so long it's nice to have attention again
@MorticiaSand that's great advice and I'm really pleased you are doing well, it does put things into perspective ❤️

Just to update...I met him this week
Had a nice time, not sure he's the one but
Missed my last train home so had to stay at his so had cuddles in bed
He's not slim (hadn't even thought about his body previously) I don't think he cared one bit about mine so moral of the story is not to stress, if the male is decent he won't care, it's you he likes not your body

@NervousNortherner Hope whatever happens you gain confidence from this. I'm really pleased for you

Thank you
My confidence has definitely returned a bit
He's very keen for us to go on a actual date but I'm not so sure, relaxed drinks again maybe when we are in the same city
It was nice to feel wanted and desired
We will see but I feel happy in myself

@NervousNortherner Good to see your update, he sounds keen! Maybe go once again just to help rhe nerves/confidence?

I met up again last weekend, was waaaaay more nervous this time!

Still, it's helping me stick to my plan to be healthier. I've lost a couple of lbs, much less wine and over 100k steps each week.

I have a horrendous body. I still hooked up with this very good looking and fit man the other week who has been pursuing me since. Yes, it did cross my mind that I don’t have the best body and wouldn’t have walked around his house naked, however I didn’t let it stop me from sleeping with him and it’s certainly not stopped him being interested.

Good for you!!
I think the media makes us feel we should look a certain way and for me my body isn't as it was when I last dated a few years ago so it really got in my head but this week all it's shown is men aren't bothered, it's you they are interested in, and you don't need pert boobs or flat stomachs to be sexy Andy desired
I'm glad I made this post

@Illbefinejustbloodyfine

Oooh that's great news!! And more nervous? You must like him! I'm so pleased for you
And with the continued wait loss!

Mine hasn't stopped messaging me and has been really sweet, can't wait to see me again
He knows I'm not going to date him but is happy on my terms of see what happens
Keeping it casual

Life's good! Good luck

Best Wishes OP, step by step.
The key phrase upthread was SELF CARE. nothing extreme.