I just don’t know what to do 😭

[HelplessPartner]

I am so upset and scared and I just don’t know what to do 😭 My partner is really struggling with his mental health and he has really bad days like today where he has just laid on the sofa and it’s like he loses the ability to talk and he can’t get up. He has depression and anxiety and the symptoms are always there but then there are days like today where it is unbearable for us all.

We have a 2 year old and I wanted to take him to the park but I can’t as he won’t come and I feel too scared to go without him in case he hurts himself/drives somewhere without being really present ect.

It is so, so scary because I can’t help him and I don’t want our child to see him like this. I just don’t know what to do.

He is on antidepressants. He’s started counselling. He’s off sick from work. What else is there to do?

I have autism and anxiety and depression myself but it’s not been that bad since becoming a parent. But I am upstairs in tears as I just don’t know how to deal with this.

He is a great dad and it’s not like this every day but it is unbelievably hard when it is. He could be like this for an hour to days I have no way to tell 🙁

Can he go back to the GP for a review?

People on anti depressants usually respond and remain fairly stable if dosed correctly

Are you certain he is taking his meds?

Yeah, I am sure that he is taking them but they don’t seem to make any difference 🙁 He’s been on 3 different kinds now as well 😩

Do you have any other family support, Op?

Do you have like a man shed thing in your area? It’s for people like your dh to go to for a few hours each week where they meet other men who are struggling with life?

I have my parents but I don’t really feel like I can tell them as it’s not really my place to share what’s going on as it’s not happening to me.

His family know too but he would be so upset if I told them when things were bad as he doesn’t like to worry them (they have enough problems) and they wouldn’t know how to help him either 🙁

My friend actually suggested this to me last week and I think it would really benefit him but it’s getting him to go that’s the issue 🤔

Very sorry to hear your struggles. Would you like to get your other double thread removed from the other board so people can respond in one place?

You sound lovely just wanted to say that. I'm sorry you are going through this.
I'd say his meds needs reviewing. Ive been very unwell with depression and tried 15 plus meds over the course of my treatment.

@HelplessPartner it sounds like a horrible situation, however, I'm not sure I agree with the sentiment about not sharing what is going on with your parents because it's not affecting you (or your child) imo it is. Maybe they could come and take your Ds out for a bit so he can go to the park?

You could contact them whilst remaining anonymous and describe your situation- it won’t be unheard of to them and I think they’ll be able to give you some pointers or advice

Could you share some of it with your family? It's affecting you and your ds so much too. Would someone in your family be willing to at least take your 2 year old to the park etc? Then you would at least know your lo was getting out. I'm sorry I have no experience of medication etc but know witnessing depression can be a very lonely place.. Please talk to somebody, you need to share with both families so they can help, you can't continue to shoulder this burden alone.

He is up now and we’re going to go to the park/for a walk so that’s something!! I have emailed Andy’s Man Club asking some questions as I think it would be good for him to talk to people who are experiencing similar things to him.

The next time I talk to my friend I think I will tell her about what is happening in more detail (she knows some things) and then at least I will know that I have reached out to someone/have someone there to support me when things are hard.

I am going to try and encourage him to get another doctors appointment as different medication is probably needed.

I think I need to learn how to support him better too but it is hard as he doesn’t really know what he wants/needs either.

@HelplessPartner you sound very kind and caring and he is lucky to have someone like you. I'm glad that you are able to get to the park today.