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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage is over

7 replies

Wheeliebin2020 · 18/02/2024 09:13

Hi, so now my marriage is over, still living in the same house, we have 2 children. He cannot even look at me, I irritate him. He is adamant if I go council they will just give me and the kids a home! he's been edging towards this a while I have felt the disconnect since he started a new job working a way.( originally he told me he would be away 1 or 2 nights a month it's ended up him being away 6 nights a week) that lie was hurtful and I have suspected something since and by the way he is glued to his phone and emotionally disconnected to me and has no respect for me)He hates coming home to me and dreads it. His words. I feel he has convinced himself that I am a horrible person. He is turning it all on me like its my fault. Very cold towards me. I think he has met someone else, when I approach the subject (cheating) he is unusually calm and won't look at me. I have had the instinctive feeling for months and he has been looking for an excuse to end. He is my children's father and I won't slate him but this is my situation. I'm so hurt by all this. Its 💯 over. Heeelp! The day it ended I had just been diagnosed with depression, diabetes and high blood pressure. I was upset, he can't even comfort me in my darkest moment. I just don't know what to do I'm in limbo. We can't continue living in the same house it's so tense and awkward and I cannot afford anywhere.
Advice, opinions, help please.

OP posts:
Tel12 · 18/02/2024 09:25

So sorry that you are going through this. Your instincts are probably right but it makes things easier if he can turn it all on you. I would think that you need legal advice. The chances of you getting social housing are zero when you actually have a home. I would suggest that he moves out if he is so unhappy. Can you get some support from your family? Moving on, you need to get together as much info as you can, bank statements, mortgage details, savings, investment, pension, wage slips etc. Then get a good solicitor.

Priderock · 18/02/2024 09:28

Sounds like OW sadly. If he is that unhappy then he should be the one to leave, let the children remain settled in their home. He’s a shit OP. I bet your depression and anxiety will get better when you’re not living with the stress of him and his cold behaviour. Be strong, file for divorce, pack his bags and let her have him. A brighter future awaits 💐

Rania78 · 18/02/2024 09:52

I don’t get it. Why doesn’t he move out? He lives at home only 1 night per week anyway plus he wants you and the kids to unsettle while he stays at home and enjoys his life with OW? Wow - human kind never ceases to surprise me!

newhousenewhouse · 18/02/2024 09:56

Try not to move out. I did due to abuse and it took me 5 years and numerous court cases to get my ex to release my equity and get my name off the mortgage.

abeeabeeisafterme · 18/02/2024 16:24

He is away 6 nights a week but wants you to move out and be homeless with the kids!? Get angry. Pack his things and dump them outside.

Start getting legal and serious. He will absolutely not have you or the children's interests at heart. The sooner you believe that and fight for your children's quality of life and your new unit the better.

Wheeliebin2020 · 19/02/2024 10:23

Thanks everyone, it's a shit roller coaster, my heart hurts but i will get there, time to concentrate on myself, self love and making happy memories with my children is my mission now on this bumpy ride.

OP posts:
ReliableAlice · 19/02/2024 10:38

Give him permission to go. Tell him that hes free to go build a new life, seeing as hes so unhappy. State that you will be staying in the house because thats the best thing for you and the kids right now. Then start to detach yourself from him. Ignore him like he's not there. Focus on yourself and the kids, start making plans that don't include him. He will either go or buck up.

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