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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can't stop thinking about another man.

2 replies

BoyMom24 · 17/02/2024 22:46

I feel me and my DP have been having a bit of rough patch. for a while although I'm not sure he would agree. He tends to live in cockoo land most of the time and is very oblivious to my needs and wants. Quite selfish actually.. I love him very much and we share a wonderful bond. We have a DS who is almost 2. Since he was born weve barely been intimate, and we dont spend that much quality time together. He works full time and I'm a SAHM mostly due to the fact we can't afford childcare. We have our disagreements, I find him to be lazy and very selfish. He doesn't help with baby care, or house work, expects me to cook and clean and organize everything. If he's not at work he's out with his mates. He shows me no physical interest anymore. I asked him why a while ago and he said it's because I've gained weight and it's hard work trying to be intimate. But so has he and I would never say that to him. I've been trying extra hard to osr some weight and hsv made some significant progress alas he's still not interested and is now saying he's too tired. Anyway the more we drift apart sexually the more I'm thinking A LOT about someone else. The man In question is my neighbour. Weve been confiding in each other for a while now, he is in a similar situation to me, not working out with his partner and they lead separate lives, sleep separate etc, we talk a lot and get on really well, have some flirty banter and he really it's just a great friendship..he's a nice guy.. but recently I've found myself feeling very sexually attracted to him (,,he is very attractive) and often thinking about him alot. I don't feel I would act on anything though, I don't think I could bring self to. But I feel bad for having these thoughts and feel dirty and wrong. Am I just thinking of him because I'm not getting what I need from partner? I've tried and tried to speak to partner but really it's like talking to a brick wall, iv actually been thinking about ending it because I'm not sure I can carry on like this. Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 17/02/2024 22:53

It’s natural to find other people attractive when you’re in a relationship but it’s how you act on it that matters.
You’re not gaining anything from your current relationship, it seems like your partner is just using you and making you feel rubbish about yourself to lower your self esteem more.

Do you want this life for yourself? The life of never feeling good enough, doing all the work and never feeling good about yourself?
I know it’s easy for people online to say end your relationship but please think carefully about it. Is this the life you want to raise your child in? Can you see a future with this man?

Could you try have a break, ask him to stay elsewhere for a little while so you can have some time to think clearly about what you want in the future.

Opentooffers · 17/02/2024 22:58

Yep, sharp shock to your DP is required here. Sort yourself out or I will go elsewhere - it's honest, it's fact, he doesn't need to know your already thinking of someone else. If nothing changes, end it.
BTW, it's never cheaper to be a SAHM, you only should pay half of childcare, and him the other half. So that's not a valid reason, I think you will find he likes you stuck at home with less power, is the reason. Unless you want to be a ft mum, which is fine, but own it in that case

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