Annoyed because I didn’t answer?

[Darkretreat]

Hi all,

So today my partner was going work, he took the charger with him and it’s my day off my battery was on 30%.

He is doing a 10am - 6pm shift.
So I haven’t used my phone much today to save the battery. His called me on all his breaks and I’ve answered etc. However when my little one went down for a nap, I fell asleep with him just due to boredom tiredness etc as it was my first day off just doing nothing as we recently moved.

By this time my battery was on 8% so I’ve gone to sleep and woken up when little one woke up and my partner calling me. I answered the first thing he abruptly said was “what are you doing? Why aren’t you answering” I responded normally saying I had a nap whilst little one was napping as I had nothing to do, he was like “Well I was calling you why weren’t you answering” I said I was sorry and it didn’t vibrate (no idea why) and then he said “When I want to speak to you about something I need you to answer my breaks ended by the time you answer and use all my time on there do what you have to keep your phone on loud, change your settings but answer” bearing in mind this is the first time this has happened.

He then called back and said it’s 4pm why has little one only woke up and I said he napped late and asked him why is he in a mood he said “well you would be too if I didn’t answer” I had checked his first call was 12 mins ago and he called me 6 times in that 12 minutes I told him there have been times he hasn’t answered and I am expected to be okay about it and times I’ve said nothing and he was just having a hissy fit so I got annoyed and called him a petulant child etc

i think my phone may not have vibrated due to being on battery saving mode and not being used for an hour or so. As I read on Google after that battery saver mode reduces the number of times your phone vibrates or something. But again I’m on battery saver mode as he took the charger.

Am I right to be annoyed? As I think this is the most pathetic thing to be in a mood about and the way he was going on pissed me off!

My ex was like this. He would ring repeatedly until I answered.

I imagine the phone calls are only part of the problem.

He's a cocklodging cunt who doesn't trust you.

Is your new place in your name only?

So he’s financially abusive too? Oh OP, get rid of him, he sounds awful.

Don’t settle for this, you deserve better than to be controlled like this and your child certainly deserves a better life with a happy mother which I doubt you can be with someone like him. This is only going to get worse and you will end up losing yourself if you continue this relationship. You gave him another chance and he’s now showing you your future if you stay with him so take a stand now and tell him to move out. From what you’ve said, he’s not contributing much financially and you don’t actually need him. The nerve of him thinking he can call the shots, insecure little man that he is. Don’t let him get comfy in the new place, get rid now. Imagine how free you could feel, just think about not having that to deal with that.

I think you know what you're going to have to do, OP.

So, there was no emergency. He just got angry that you weren't there at the click of his fingers.

My ex once rang me at 11pm, I was asleep and called him back the next morning. He refused to answer and gave me hell for hours by text then refused to speak to me for 3 days. I was heartbroken, confused - then furious at being treated like that.

It didn't wait for a next time. Blocked and gone. I've never spoken to him since.

It's coercive control which is domestic abuse.

Add that to the financial abuse it's only going to get worse.

And what are his good points?

I went on a night out the pub with a friend with a partner like this. All night he phoned, accusing her of chatting up other men, until he finally showed up and they had a row in the street. He's phoning to check up on you now and he knows you are home with a toddler, this will only get worse. I don't know how it works but might be worth phoning women's aid to get help exiting this situation, else this will be your life now. Please make sure it isn't.

Kick him out. Get a female flatmate to help you with rent.

It's control and abuse from him and he'll only get worse if he stays.

He sounds awful.

You shouldn't be frightened of your OH. By that I mean - you shouldn't be nervous of not answering your phone. It's up to you if you answer your phone or not. You could choose not to answer it because you're in the bath / having fun with friends / immersed in a book / busy working / talking to your mum....the list goes on. He has no right to question you.

And calling you multiple times a day is weird. ALmost certainly controlling / checking up on you / trying to catch you out.

Then there's the fact he's useless at home. Selfish. Lazy. Entitled. Expects you to do all the work. Which probably comes from him being a sexist pig, but will also be linked to him being lazy and selfish. He cares more about himself than you. He thinks you should just be grateful he exists and graces you with his magnifient presence, while you run yourself into the ground and he criticises you.

This is not a good man. It is not a healthy relationship. Your life would be easier and happier without him in it.

This does not sound like a good relationship