I'd really appreciate some perspectives....
for context: been married just over 3 years, DD is 3 years, we had her very early in the marriage. We started with a highly stressed time, pandemic, husband was out of work for a year, arguments with family who were our only support and network. I had no peace in pregnancy due to the constant arguments, couldn't rest or sleep well. Labour was traumatic, probably had some ptsd / anxiety but did not realise it at the time. Postpartum we were with my parents, arguments continued, moved out when DD was 1 month. Postpartum recovery was very slow, very hormonal, exhausted, brain fogged.
DH's behaviours are raising red flags, what are your thoughts? The problem is anger, disproportionate to the action eg DD does not want to switch off the tv, he screamed in a very loud voice, swiped the control off the table & turned the tv off. DD was in tears. I've learnt to have a countdown when it's time to turn the tv off but he does not seem open to my suggestions, I think it's denting his male ego. Don't interfere with my parenting kind of attitude. The other day I was getting DD dressed and she did not want to so she was pottering around in her nappy and went to DH's room. He yelled in such a loud voice for her to go and get dressed, no warning, she was in absolute tears and the next day she was cowering by the sofa when he walked into the room for fear that he might yell again. I go into silent mode and don't want to acknowledge him at all. I'm sick of it, it leaves me tense, I feel like I'm not protecting my DD, I don't want her living in fear in her own home. I don't know where to go with this but it has to stop
Other times he is very good, they have tumble playtime together but his patience is always very short, he can't tolerate playing for long, she ends up in tears eg she wants to do somersaults but he doesn't want to do anymore somersaults and wants to do a different activity that she does not want to do. There's an insistence on his choice of activity; he doesn't get the concept of child led play. Often he's in a bad mood if he's not eaten. He will occasionally help in household chores, he manages to feed himself if I have not cooked. Occasionally he'll do the cooking. He works remotely and we are all in this tiny flat together, which does not help. We are quite isolated.
Given he doesn't seem to have patience I reduced my working hours to stop him being alone with her. But I'm not sure how we are going to function and progress in life in this way of not being able to rely on him. I've spoken to him about it many times, there has been some improvement but there's always a repeat episode. I've gotten to the point where I know I can't change his behaviour and what would happen in the future if DD actually did something wrong? I don't want her to live in fear. I feel hurt that he is unable to see the implications of his behaviour and I've lost respect for him.
Would be good to get some perspectives from other dad's too..