Going for a meal with DP and his old school friends and worried I'll get it all wrong... any advice?

[mumblesmummy]

Been with my DP a while now but he goes out with his friends and I go out with my friends, so the two don't mix.

It's never occured to me to mind until recently when I've been a bit put out when he's been with his friends as I just don't know them at all so I'm not in with the crack and don't know who's who when he talks about it or anything.

So a few weeks ago he'd mentioned that we're not friends with any couples. I know that his ex fiance (who he was with for 6 years) was close with his friends.

So today he's been out with some, and one of them has said he'd really like it if me and my DP would start going out for meals and things with him and his DP. I said yes, really nice idea.

Then I suddenly realised who these friends are. The three of them have known each other since like primary school or whatever, and have always been close. They're all part of a very big group of friends.

I get VERY shy and quiet when I meet new people which I know DP sometimes misconstrues as me being sort of off with people. But it is genuine shyness and suddenly not being able to think of anything to say.

DP says he'd love it if we had another couple to be friends with instead of just going out seperately with our single friends.

If they're all talking about things they know and stuff, will i feel really awkward? or is this a really good idea?

I think I know the answer- it's a good idea and I need to give it a go. I just wanted to get it down and chat really.

My only advice would be not to drink too much and make an arse out of yourself out of nerves.

Very good advice!! That can be number one on my list!!

plus don't worry about the ex-fiancee - if he had cared he'd still be with her

I felt like with DHs friends, and that was when we were living abroad and I was trying to learn the language!

I felt tense at first but we all had a drink or two and I really relaxed and enjoyed myself.

If you cant think of anything to say, comment on the other womens' handbag/shoes/jewellery etc- whatever springs to mind. You may find that they chat enough for you not to need to worry about initiating conversation!

Go for it and enjoy, you'll be glad you did.

Asking other people about themselves gives them an opportunity to talk and you to listen. It makes them feel you are interested (as you are) and reduces the chances of you saying anything untoward due to nerves.

I second the advice not to drink too much.

Wear something that makes you feel good. Nothing that you feel uncomfortable in. Get your hair done maybe or anything that will make you feel more confident on the night. Ask DH what his friends are into so you can strike up conversations about stuff they're interesetd in. Good advice about complmenting the other woman about her hair/handbag or whatever.

Fantastic advice ladies. It's sounding a lot better already. It's such a tense thing meeting the friends isn't it?

I think people usually do that before they get engaged, plan the wedding, and have a baby hehe. We've done it the wrong way round.

I am the same. I don't think any amount of new clothes or special Hair-dos would make me feel more confident. All I can suggest it that it takes time to get to know people and to get to know the history behind their friendships. So start spending time with them and don't be afraid to ask them loads of questions about themselves or ask them to explain the in-jokes.

I'm still struggling but it has got easier.

Don't worry about saying witty/insightful things about current affairs or music or whatever - ask some questions, people generally love to talk about themselves! Seem interested even if you are feeling shy and don't have anything to say, at least then no-one can misconstrue you as being off with them.
I'm sure they won't make you feel excluded, but if they do start talking about the old days maybe you could get involved - ask what dp was like as a child/was he a rebellious teen etc, you might get some funny anecdotes out of it.

They sound accomodating people - after all they have known your DP for a while and they initiated the fact that they wanted to meet you ...

Have you told your DP about your concerns - perhaps he can settle your nerves and be aware of the fact that you are nervous???

He'll definately know I'll be nervous. I suppose they have initiated it which is nice. They're older than me than so they'll probably expect me to be a bit nervous.

Plus I'm about to drop, and they've just had one baby and she's pregnant again- so we could talk about babies a bit.