To date or just accept being single

[Cassandracorsa]

How do you decide if dating is for or it isn't for you?

I'm not against a relationship in principle but searching for one seems a waste of time on apps. Even Hinge is full of men proclaiming to want a relationship then they send a pic of their todger on WhatsApp 😭

I can see why a lot of people say bollocks to dating and just stay single.

Real love I think is found NOT searched for and neither can it be forced.

Urgh, I don't know, OP, but I tend to agree with you. Scrolling through pictures of people like a person is something you can order from a catalogue leaves me completely cold (and depressed), but it's hard to meet people these days. Add in age, previous relationship history, children into the mix and it's even harder.

I've had a look online (like I'm shopping for an outfit) and I don't like it, personally. My ideal would be to meet someone in the wild, but the likelihood of that happening is pretty slim. I can see myself on a repeat loop of looking on the apps, having a few dates, feeling despondent and vowing never again and then coming off of them.

Give yourself permission to actively NOT date for 6 months and fill that time with all the stuff you want to do. Then review how you feel.

Tough one, completely agree with you. There are some things that apps just can't do. Love should be organic but our modern society and lifestyles are opposed to it developing freely. Also think people and relationships are being damaged by social media/other media forms.

Totally get you OP. I’ve tried OLD and found it a soulless and tedious experience. It wasn’t soul destroying like some have found, I just found it really dull and the few dates I did have were pleasant men but no sparks.
And I’ve well documented on here the amount of sleazy feckers out there with the communication skills of a house brick. The ones I’ve met in the wild were not much better either 🤣

Ive made myself a busy single life with a great friendship circle and now at stage that if I meet someone all well and good but it’s not a priority at all.

I agree. The whole thing fills me with dread. Three years on from split/divorce and only still working out being on my own and what I want. My ex has already successfully navigated online dating and has a girlfriend. And he’s a massive introvert, never thought he would do that. I just can’t bring myself to do it.

There doesn't have to be a choice forever unless you already know, I've been single nearly 5 years, I've not dated for the past year, sometimes I feel like it and other times I give it a rest, for now I don't want to, it's probably making me single a lot longer because I'm not searching, I don't get out much so online is my main way, or work.
Just go with how you feel, even if its single for now, nothing wrong with that.

Chances of anything happening as a fluke would be rare, I do think you have to put some effort into finding someone, whether that's online or effort into a social life.

I wasn't looking for real love when I was doing OLD; I was looking for someone to go out with. When the fun guy I chose turned out to be decent, considerate, kind and generous, it was quite a surprise for me. To be honest I'd quite been looking forward to road-testing a few more new men before having a longer relationship again, but it didn't turn out that way.

Makes sense that OLD would be disappointing/depressing if a person went into it explicitly looking for love.
The same is true of any form of blind dating, so if you're trying to avoid that, you'd probably have to have a very busy social life and see if someone turned up unexpectedly. (Hard to do that without having some kind of secret hope, maybe?)

I read something which I thought was quite cool

'If you knew you'd meet your person and be in a relationship in a years time how would you spend your time now'

And I guess for me I would enjoy and cherish being single, seeing friends, doing inner work and healing, solo travelling, my hobbies and just fully embracing this 'single' time of my life..

So that's what I'm doing :)

I do have my moments tho, I crave intimacy and affection but the stress that comes with dating (I'm an anxious person and that affects my dating life massively) just isn't worth it right now!
Hence the inner work I'm doing...

I don't really have an answer but you're not alone with how you're feeling!

@dreammattemousse

Im very much the same. My single life is living how I want without having to worry about anyone else.

I do miss intimacy at times but other than that I don’t feel I’m missing having a man. I’ve had 4 holidays with friends in last couple of years plus 3 long weekends away each year. And already got 2 holidays and 3 weekends booked for this year so definitely keeping busy and doing what we enjoy is the key to a positive single life.

I can see why a lot of people say bollocks to dating and just stay single

But you yourself are suggesting another option: love is found organically. Why not decide to only date if someone blows your socks off? It doesn't have to be an active search, and nor does it need to be called off.