Wanting sex with anyone but my husband

[Anonymee]

Regular poster, changed my username for obvious reasons!

I have a decent marriage, no complaints in any area. I have a good husband and a nice life. We are early 30s with two young children. Just lately I've been craving sex with a different man - no man in particular, just not my husband! I don't understand why, other than we've been together since we were 20 and we both have limited sexual experience before one another (though I have slept with two other guys in my teens). Maybe I feel like I missed out, I'm not sure.

DH has a high sex drive and we have sex most days. He is extremely attentive and knows exactly what I like. He is good in bed. But I have to pretend that he's someone else in order to enjoy it! I've been drinking a lot in the evenings to deal with this.

Can anyone relate? Will it pass? I don't really understand why I'm feeling this way and it's starting to get me down.

Are you happy having sex most days?

Having fantasies about other men is not a problem in and of itself.

I've been drinking a lot in the evenings to deal with this.

This is a massive, massive concern and I implore you to get help right away. You are on a very slippery slope, and you need professional help to figure out why you need alcohol to cope.

You have a husband who loves you and two beautiful children who need their mum to be happy and healthy. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and alcohol can take that all away from you. Alcohol is not your friend. Please reach out to whomever you feel you can for support, and please seek professional guidance.

@gamerchick yes, my sex drive has been quite high too recently... Just not for my husband 😫

@Aquamarine1029 thank you, I really appreciate your kind message and advice. I only drink when I know that sex is on the cards (which is admittedly most evenings atm). It's definitely a habit I need to stop.

I think it’s natural to fantasise about sex with other people some of the time but not to the extent of not wanting sex with your DH. You did get together and settle down pretty young so that probably is contributing to how you feel. But he sounds like a great guy. There are a lot of shitheads out there. So be careful not to wish him away. If your DCs are very young, your relationship with your DH may seem more about you as parents than anything else. You will likely find you start to relate to each other more just as adults once your children are a bit older and not absorbing quite as much of your time.

As long as it stays a fantasy you'll be okay I think. Marriage isn't static it has its highs and lows the routine can get to anyone.

Booze can affect your Enjoyment so lay off and enjoy more.

Do Not panic, from a man's point of view thus should only help excite things if you openly discuss moving forward

Don't do anything about the sex side. You risk it all.
Do take it seriously though. And look for a cause.
Are you peri menopausal? Might you be neurodiverse? Other health issues? Depressed? Tablets having side effects.

You love your partner – or at least like them a lot. You enjoy spending time with them. From the outside, some might say that you’re the perfect couple. But you carry a secret that makes you a little crazy: You want to have sex with someone else.

Maybe it’s a co-worker, or your partners best friend. Problem is, you can’t get them out of your head. You fantasize about them, and then feel guilty when it’s challenging to get excited for your partner. You start to question whether you should stay with your partner: Does this mean you aren’t meant to be together? That you aren’t sexually compatible? Or maybe you have intimacy issues, cause you always seem to get bored with sex after being with a partner for a while.

He's probably doing the same, almost all guys dream of other women they want to have sex with while making love to their wives and pretend they are a different woman. It's harmless if that's all it is. Pretending you or someone else gives him a thrill and makes sex easier just as it does for you. It's ok.

Could you bring that fantasy into the bedroom and maybe ask him to role play for you? Or if there's an accent that really turns you on ask him to whisper to you in that voice? Maybe you could turn this into a nice kink that involves him!

I can't believe that any man would be thrilled that his wife wants to have sex with any man except him!

This might seem odd but DH and I get up to all sorts in the bedroom... and not just in the bedroom. Mask-wearing is a great way to fulfill fantasies without straying. Last week he was Donald Trump and I was Kamala Harris.

Whatever floats your boat, no judgement here. But don't assume you speak for all men, mine really would not be thrilled if I told him I was fantasising about other men to get through having sex with him. Or even that I wanted to.

Charles and Camilla next time?

Why has no-one invented bleach for the mind yet??! 😱
Whatever floats your boat though!