How best to end relationship

[emilysgoldskirt]

I’ve been with someone, mid-distance, for two and a bit years. So not that long, but we’re both divorced with kids and have met each other’s kids. We also have lots of mutual friends (that is how we met). I was so in love, but as I’ve seen how we connect, I realise It just isn’t working for me. It’s a close call and will be sad all round.

He’s not very tuned in: he hates talking about how it’s going, so he thinks (and I’ve been acting, since I gave up being open) like it’s going ok.

How best can I end it? Should I travel to see him and say it, or do it by email? We never talk on the phone. We are very close and this will hurt him, and I’m very anxious.

After two years I think you should say it in person (ideally somewhere public).

What should I say? I don’t think I’ve had a breakup that is adult and considered and not heated before. We will need to remain friends.

We will need to remain friends.

That may not be possible and it's not just up to you. Regardless, it should not prevent you from ending a relationship that you know is not working for you.

I know that, but I don’t know how to do it.

And I also don’t know if the fact I feel so worried about doing it means I actually don’t want to lose him. What do you think?

Definitely in person. Write a letter which you can hand to him and sit down with him whilst he reads it if you’re worried about voicing it and what to say in the best of the moment.

If you’re already doubting ending the relationship it may be worth talking to him and explaining why you have serious concerns about the relationship.

Just be honest, like you have been in here. Tell him you’ve enjoyed the time you’ve spent together, but can’t see things getting any more serious and you think it’s time to call it a day. It’s life. Not everyone you date is going to turn into your forever mate.

I think this is a terrible idea. Imagine having to sit and read a letter whilst the person who is dumping you watches on.

I’ve never really understood why some people think breaking up in person is somehow better or more respectful. I disagree. Ring him, tell him what you’ve written in the post and end it.

Agreed.

The sheer humiliation of being dragged out to a public place to be dumped in person.

I'd rather have a phonecall.

Exactly. You say you never talk on the phone, but now's the time.

So would I! Genuinely boggles my mind that anyone would prefer to do it in person. In PUBLIC, no less.

What would you say in the phone call? How would you start?

Don't beat around the bush, just tell him the truth. The relationship isn't working for you so you are ending it, you wish him well, and you hope that the two of you can move forward as friends.

Yes do it by phone. And he is not going to want to be friends. If he agrees to it, it's only because he thinks that you're change your mind and get back together with him full stop the only way to be friends with an ex is to have a break first.

There’s no right or wrong thing to say here other than not say anything at all. You’ve just gotta come out with it. And I would phone as well. I agree with all the people here saying they would much rather have a call than be told after meeting up somewhere.