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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

6 months in…

10 replies

Cc201602 · 16/02/2024 20:09

So, it’s been around 6 months since me and my husband separated. It’s been a mix of emotions (infidelity on his side, leading to a double life) last month I’ve been ok, not angry or sad any anything or when we do have to talk but the last few days it feels like it’s hitting me all over again? I’m proud of how far I’ve come but the last few days have been tough in the evenings once the little one has gone to bed. I just feel sad, like I can’t believe this has actually happened.

it anyone has been in this situation before would be great to know how you dealt with these moments! X

OP posts:
Priderock · 16/02/2024 21:44

It’s been nearly 2 years since my separation, similar experience to you, infidelity and he had a double life. I have some days where I feel fine and others where I’m still so sad. We lived a pretty lavish lifestyle and it was painful to leave that side of things. I remind myself of the very worse behaviour (there was a lot of it, including violence towards both myself and child) when I’m feeling sad about my old life, that’s enough to snap me out of it and realise nothing was worth living with that. Maybe thing about the time you felt disgust towards whatever he was doing, write it down, and when you’re feeling upset remind yourself of what type of person he is. Good people do not lie, cheat and treat others poorly,

Mumofboys2423 · 26/02/2024 13:46

Wondering if anyone can help me please. Back story is I’ve been married to my husband for 13 years (together 23) have 2 boys 12 & 9. Our relationship has not been without difficulty namely due to my traumatic childhood leaving me with lots of issues as an adult which I have been actively working on with a psychologist for some time. H has always been my rock and supported me despite me sometimes being really difficult to live with, I struggle with communication and I guess I never had a ‘normal’ experience of what a healthy adult relationship looks like. Things have been increasingly difficult the past 12 months and we have disconnected - at the moment he’s telling me he has nothing more to give and has been unhappy for a long time, he says he just wants us all to be happier and feels that separation is the only way. He is currently still at home and we are trying to be understanding of one another’s feelings and needs but I am absolutely heartbroken. We both feel like we are totally numb and have no idea what to do next. I feel like he has made his decision but is trying to come to terms with it in his own head before proceeding. Sorry for the offload I just can’t breathe.

Original poster
Cc201602 · 26/02/2024 16:54

Don’t be sorry! That’s a lot to take in! also you’ve had your own struggles.

it’s an unbearable situation to be in. I know this is going to sound harsh but in the long run, if he has checked out and you e both tried everything it’s going to be harder in the long in regards to splitting. It’s like a plaster. You just have to rip it off…

It’s so so hard because you do not want the change but it’s more hurtful for you staying…
trust me..: I’ve been there with the whole distance thing…. That is so painful but since splitting I’ve realised it was never going to change… I couldn’t change the way he felt..: and it was time to just cut ties and value my worth.

it’s not going to be easy at all but I promise you, it does get easier.

I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m preaching, far from it. Only you know what’s right in your heart of hearts and only you can decide but just giving you a slice of my story and to let you know it can be better.

good luck x

OP posts:
Mumofboys2423 · 26/02/2024 17:33

thanks so much for your reply it’s so appreciated! It’s just nice to know that people get through it and survive! X

Original poster
Cc201602 · 26/02/2024 20:41

Anytime! I hope you find some peace with whatever you decide x

OP posts:
Fother · 26/02/2024 20:48

@Mumofboys2423 you should start your own thread.

Fother · 26/02/2024 20:50

@Cc201602 it is only 6 months and it will take much longer than that. Up and down, back and forth it is totally normal. You are in limbo currently and you can't see your new life yet. This is the problem. Have you started the divorce process?

Mumofboys2423 · 26/02/2024 20:54

@Fother sorry I couldn’t do it for some reason! Didn’t mean to hijack!

Fother · 26/02/2024 21:05

It's OK but you will get more replies if you have your own.

Original poster
Cc201602 · 27/02/2024 04:34

@Fother yes, started them a few days after I found out about what happened.

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