Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Worried that I won’t find love because I am a single mother.

30 replies

Densleighpopulated · 16/02/2024 19:31

I’m worried I’ll never find love being a single mother (27F). I have 50/50 custody with her dad and it was my decision to split due to his gambling addictions.

A while after my long term relationship with my child’s dad ended, I dated a single dad, but he wasn’t ready for commitment. Then a few months later I met someone and I got into a serious relationship with him. He then ultimately ended it because four months after we met he couldn’t deal with the fact my child’s father was involved even though he knew about my situation from the beginning (he never met my child, I wasn’t willing to introduce her until the honeymoon stage was over). My ex and I do not communicate unless it’s about our child, and we’ve both moved on. Nevertheless, the latest relationship really affected me because it’s left me scared to fall in love in fears of them deciding against being with me due to my situation.

I am going to focus on me for a while, but I’m worried when I actually want to meet someone that it will be hard. I know it will be. But I feel it’s almost impossible.

OP posts:
Shortyp · 16/02/2024 19:36

More likely to meet someone at 27 than 47 and you have already met 2 people so why would you think you wouldn’t ?

Original poster
Densleighpopulated · 16/02/2024 19:40

I mean like someone who wants commitment and wants to be with me. Both men didn’t want the commitment in the end. One who I was serious with said he did not want to be with me anymore cause of my child. When I have spoken to my male friends they have all said single mothers would be “bottom of the barrel”

OP posts:
Toomanysquishmallows · 16/02/2024 19:40

I was a single mum , for four years , then I met my partner of twenty years through friends, so it can happen.

Original poster
Densleighpopulated · 16/02/2024 19:41

That’s lovely and gives me hope.

OP posts:
SamW98 · 16/02/2024 19:42

How long have you been split from you ex partner OP? Take time to be single and just a mum. There’s no desperate rush to settle down or jump from one short term relationship to the next. Get comfortable with being on your own then you’ll be a lot more selective about your next partner.

bluejelly · 16/02/2024 19:43

Well done for leaving a gambler. I am sure you will find Mr Right. Be open-minded but fussy. Don't accept second best. You will kiss a few frogs, but you will find Mr Right (i was a single parent till my DD was 9, then met the love of my life. We are still blissfully happy after 16 years together.)

BCBird · 16/02/2024 19:43

If the men you are meeting are your age they might not be ready for commitment. There will be some who are put off by your situation and others who are not.

Original poster
Densleighpopulated · 16/02/2024 19:45

.

OP posts:
Original poster
Densleighpopulated · 16/02/2024 19:46

BCBird · 16/02/2024 19:43

If the men you are meeting are your age they might not be ready for commitment. There will be some who are put off by your situation and others who are not.

So the latest guy I was with, was 33. Said he was ready to settle down, said my situation was fine then two days after telling me that I was the love of his life, he said he couldn’t cope. I understand his reasons, just a bit blindsided.

OP posts:
Original poster
Densleighpopulated · 16/02/2024 19:47

SamW98 · 16/02/2024 19:42

How long have you been split from you ex partner OP? Take time to be single and just a mum. There’s no desperate rush to settle down or jump from one short term relationship to the next. Get comfortable with being on your own then you’ll be a lot more selective about your next partner.

So I’ve been separated from my child father for a year and half, started dating summer last year. I grieved our relationship whilst we were together due to gambling addiction and was mentally over it nearly a year before that. I couldn’t leave due to the financial situation he put me in.

I have been making sure my child has all the support and love she needs. I am also going to focus on myself as I am having massive self esteem issues currently.

OP posts:
Original poster
Densleighpopulated · 16/02/2024 19:47

Toomanysquishmallows · 16/02/2024 19:40

I was a single mum , for four years , then I met my partner of twenty years through friends, so it can happen.

That’s lovely and gives me hope

OP posts:
inquisitiveinga · 16/02/2024 19:48

I was a single mum for 3.5 years and then found my DH. It was through a family friend and not only did we fall in love with eachother, he fell in love with my child, too! You'll find someone when it's right and you'll know it's right OP, I promise.

I remember feeling exactly how you do and had been somewhat led down the garden path whilst dating a couple of times... it's a shitty feeling. For now, brush yourself off, have faith and focus on your relationship with your DC - when Mr Right comes along you'll have magical memories to reminise over... despite how much I love life now, I do sometimes think back to the wonderful memories myself and DC shared when it was just the two of us! (I also know just the 2 of you can be very challenging, swings and roundabouts eh).

** For context I'm 27 and DH is 38. For me, the maturity of a slightly older man was important and is something I'm totally head over heels for now!

Original poster
Densleighpopulated · 16/02/2024 19:49

Shortyp · 16/02/2024 19:36

More likely to meet someone at 27 than 47 and you have already met 2 people so why would you think you wouldn’t ?

I mean like someone who wants commitment and wants to be with me. Both men didn’t want the commitment in the end. One who I was serious with said he did not want to be with me anymore cause of my child. When I have spoken to my male friends they have all said single mothers would be “bottom of the barrel”

OP posts:
Original poster
Densleighpopulated · 16/02/2024 19:50

bluejelly · 16/02/2024 19:43

Well done for leaving a gambler. I am sure you will find Mr Right. Be open-minded but fussy. Don't accept second best. You will kiss a few frogs, but you will find Mr Right (i was a single parent till my DD was 9, then met the love of my life. We are still blissfully happy after 16 years together.)

Thank you, it’s been super hard on DC. But I knew it was the right decision. Thank you for sharing your story, it gives me hope.

OP posts:
Original poster
Densleighpopulated · 16/02/2024 19:51

inquisitiveinga · 16/02/2024 19:48

I was a single mum for 3.5 years and then found my DH. It was through a family friend and not only did we fall in love with eachother, he fell in love with my child, too! You'll find someone when it's right and you'll know it's right OP, I promise.

I remember feeling exactly how you do and had been somewhat led down the garden path whilst dating a couple of times... it's a shitty feeling. For now, brush yourself off, have faith and focus on your relationship with your DC - when Mr Right comes along you'll have magical memories to reminise over... despite how much I love life now, I do sometimes think back to the wonderful memories myself and DC shared when it was just the two of us! (I also know just the 2 of you can be very challenging, swings and roundabouts eh).

** For context I'm 27 and DH is 38. For me, the maturity of a slightly older man was important and is something I'm totally head over heels for now!

Edited

Thank you so much for your comment. It’s really reassured me.

I love spending time with my daughter, it’s getting a bit more challenging as she gets older, but we still have loads of fun just me and her.

OP posts:
Toomanysquishmallows · 16/02/2024 20:24

@inquisitiveinga , I know what you mean about the memories ! I love my partner to bits , but my eldest and me had some wonderful moments with just the two of us .

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/02/2024 21:30

With 50/50 custody dating will be so so easy! You'll find it as hard to find a decent men who wants commitment as most 27 year olds do you have to kiss a lot of frogs but at least you don't have the worry of your clock is ticking (that I did in my 30s) that could make you settle for the wrong man. Just date for fun until you find someone special!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/02/2024 21:31

Ps watch out for cock lodgers

LilBus · 17/02/2024 12:47

I agree with 50/50 dating will be easy, I have my children full time so haven’t been able to date in 7/8 years! No man wants a woman that has her kids 24/7 so you are a massive step ahead of me, just keep trying as I’m sure you will find someone and you are in a good position with 50/50 so I’m sure you will find someone soon! It takes time to meet someone even those without children.

GlitterBall91 · 17/02/2024 19:59

I was a single mum with a 3 yo when I met my DP. He is wonderful, we have been together a long time now and also have a child together. He treats me like an utter queen even after years together!

Vretz · 17/02/2024 20:36

Giving a male perspective (I have 2 DC of my own) and I've dated a single mum. The real difficulty is the risk for a man in taking on a single mum. If it goes wrong, and you've bonded with their DC, then you don't lose just the partner, but also the kids.

You're not bottom of the pile. It's just situational.

pikkumyy77 · 17/02/2024 20:46

F

MorticiaSand · 17/02/2024 20:48

There are plenty of men out there looking to date, and they won't mind children. After I divorced, I dated three men and two had younger children from past relationships. My last boyfriend has adult-age children, and was not bothered by my teenagers. If he had been I would have pointed out where the door was. None of those relationships lasted as they wanted marriage, living-together arrangements and I don't want that as I love my own space. But being a single parent wasn't an obstacle. However, from my own dating experience and that of people I know then I would caution to be careful as a single parent. Some men are seeking out single parent partners actively. They are cocklodger types looking for a 'mum' to take care of them, or cheap skates who think you will be grateful for the attention and low maintenance. With limited child-care options, dates can soon become the lounge sofa and a movie, which is a cheap date for the man involved. I strongly recommend staying single until you work on your self esteem to deflect the predators out there in the dating world. There is nothing wrong with being a single parent, you made a brave and correct decision to leave a bad partner, and you should not feel second class because you are a single lady with children. Never let anyone make you feel less of a person because of the choices you made, which were in the best interests of your family.

pikkumyy77 · 17/02/2024 20:50

I think what I want to add is that pessimism gets you nowhere. So two guts that you briefly dated decided that you were not “the one” for them? So what? That is what dating is for! To determine if you want to go the distance with this person. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. I’d say the lesson learned here is that you should date more, be more choosy, and don’t get attached to any one boyfriend until he proves worthy.

Whsthappensnow · 17/02/2024 20:50

I've just dipped my toe in the water and been dumped by a single dad I've been chasing for months.

The blokes on the apps I either already know or they're not what im looking for.

I feel like I have to justify my circumstances and I find it soul destroying.

I'm 46 and have full custody of 2 primary age DC. I don't know how the practicalities were going to work but all my friends kept telling me I'd find a way.

The majority of people who like me are loads older and the ones that are around my age want younger with no baggage.

The one who has just cast me aside was looking for a booty call to fit around his shifts and childcare arrangements!

I also think the dating pools are very small in certain areas.

On POF the other day my matches were single dad I'd had my eye on for ages who lives round the corner, friend's ex husband, followed by bloke from work!